Close to final draft
Cast of Characters
KENNERLY, mid-thirties
MYSTERY WOMAN, late twenties or early thirties, attractive
MARK (bartender, Fells Point Hotel)
LEVINE, man, mid-thirties,
PETERSON, man, African-American, late thirties
DANNY bartender Mount Vernon Inn
KATE HANFORD, woman, early thirties
MAID
CHRISTOPHER man, early-mid twenties
SHANAHAN
BILL LA Bartender
TIME: 1979 with flashbacks
PLACE: Baltimore
PRODUCTION NOTES All the songs at the beginning of scenes are suggestive but if used, rights must be obtained.
Scene 1 A Hot Night in September 79
(SETTING Baltimore Police Fells Point homicide office PETERSON pours coffee TV The O’s won again last night bolstering their 1979 hopes of yet another championship season, we’ll be right back with an interview with Mike Flanagan, the winning pitcher while a Mister Ray Hair Weave commercial plays, KATE HANFORD erases a name in red on the whiteboard and replaces it with the same name in black then she exits
LEVINE (staring at the whiteboard)
Wait, uh what happened to the chalkboard and how did Kate erase a Magic Marker with her finger?
PETERSON
It’s been replaced with a whiteboard and those aren’t Magic Markers, those are dry markers.
LEVINE
Dry markers?
PETERSON
Water based so you can erase them with a cloth or even a—
LEVINE
–So, if they are water based why do they call them dry markers and when did they—
PETERSON
–Well, actually the technology was invented in 1958 by the Japanese but a US company just started importing them, the markers and the boards, a couple years ago…and the really good thing is that since the markers are water based, you can’t get high sniffing them!
LEVINE
Not my thing but I might just have to take it up… or something, all that red up there looks even worse on a WHITEBOARD!
PETERSON
And, sadly, my friend, your name being next to Hanford with all her black makes you look even worse.
LEVINE
So why me? Why do I get all the unsolvable cases? Kate gets all the slam dunks—
PETERSON
Dunkers!
LEVINE
Dunkers?
PETERSON
Dunkers! She gets all the dunkers!
LEVINE
Isn’t that a religious sect? Pennsylvania Dutch?
PETERSON
Yeah, I think that too but that is what we call the easy cases, dunkers.
LEVINE
Hmmm maybe that is why she always brings in her coffee from that new place Dunkin’ Donuts you know in Highlandtown instead of drinking this battery acid. (while pouring another cup from the coffeemaker) Anyway, everything she touches turns to gol— or a uh dunker…and every time I answer the phone all I get—
PETERSON
(Face in the Baltimore Sun then puts the paper down)
Stop whining, it’s like baseball, sometimes everything you hit hard gets caught. Other times, your pop ups turn into doubles. It’ll turn around. Hey! Murray hit another one out last night, he stays hot and we got a chance this year. Finally!
LEVINE
So, we won? Or should I say the Orioles won, I am still a Yankees fan—
PETERSON
You can take the boy out of the city but—
LEVINE
Yeah, yeah well maybe one day, I do love this town. (beat) As long as you have the Earl of Baltimore you will have a shot.
PETERSON
Someday the man will be in the Hall. Well, Boog needs to start hitting… but the pitching? This guy Flanagan is turning into another Palmer. Pitching. Defense. And three run homers (beat) so have you gotten anything from Ocean City yet on this latest Bondage Murder?
LEVINE
Nothing. OCPD said they would teletype the report soon, WBAL just confirmed that it’s the same M.O. Middle-aged man found dead, naked, mouth duct taped and handcuffed and tied to his bed.
PETERSON
Oh, my God. Looks like the Bondage Mistress has finally struck again. What has it been like eight months now?
LEVINE
More like seven. I’m only glad this one is in Ocean City and not here.
PETERSON
What do you have on the two in the city and the other…the one in, where was it, the Towson Towne Inn? And you still got nothing?
LEVINE
We got nothing, absolutely nothing. No useful prints. None. All we got is that the victims are all men in their late thirties or forties. All of em throwing around wads of cash. They all have alcohol in their blood as well as ricin—
PETERSON
–Rice and beans? I had that for lunch. Should I go the ER?
LEVINE
Okay DIRK, no time for your quipsterisms. I am sure that you know what ricin is, seeing that you read The Sun back to front. The ME was telling me there was an international incident just last week. This is James Bond type stuff, supposedly this Russian dissident was stabbed on The London Bridge by a man using a weapon built into an umbrella that injected a small amount of the poison into this guy’s leg.[1] He died two days later….anyway all of four of these guys were handcuffed, with their mouths duct-taped and naked. Oh, but the one at the Holiday Inn[2]…they found Quaaludes and this one in Ocean City? They found alcohol, ricin and pot. All of the victims had been seen drinking at the hotel bar. All of ‘em were robbed…And they were all briefly spotted with women but no one witnessed them leaving the bar together.
(KATE HANFORD enters)
PETERSON
Did anyone get a make on these broads?
KATE HANFORD
Hey DIRK! Would you stop calling women broads?
LEVINE
Well I uh, I could think of a lot worse—
KATE HANFORD
You need to think of how you are going to solve the Bondage Mistress Murders not more ways to offend women
LEVINE
Well, I—
PETERSON
DIRK, c-mon this is 1979, women deserve respect, so you got anything?
LEVINE
Not really. All we got was that all the women were tall, like 5’10” but one was a blond and the other a brunette. And get this, this one was a redhead. And tall.
PETERSON
So, these women, I imagine are working girls but no word yet on the Ocean City perp?
LEVINE
…
LEVINE
Must hurt? You moron. It’s just like any other surgery. You know, anesthesia?
PETERSON
Still, I can’t imagine it. And I can’t imagine why such a respected institution would take part in such madness, such mutilation, women trapped in men’s bodies! What a load of crap!
Scene 2 OCT 79
(SETTING: Fell Point Hotel Bar Radio: We’ll be right back with Charlie Eckman, our special guest, to discuss the Orioles heartbreaking World Series loss to the Pirates… switching stations static followed by Strangers in the Night)
KENNERLY
So, hey there, hon…say can I buy you a drink?
MYSTERY WOMAN
No.
KENNERLY
Oh gorgeous, you are so fine, are you sure I can’t buy you a drink?
MYSTERY WOMAN
Quite certain—
KENNERLY
Well then, hon, may I ask you another question?
MYSTERY WOMAN
Certainly, as long as I don’t have to answer said question.
KENNERLY
Said question? Are you a barrister?
MYSTERY WOMAN
No, neither am I a barista.
KENNERLY
A barista, what the h—
MYSTERY WOMAN
A barista, yeah, you know someone who makes coffee like at Peet’s, although you probably prefer Starbucks—
KENNERLY
Peets? Starbacks?
MYSTERY WOMAN
StarBUCKS! But never mind, so I digress; you got your one question answered. Now would you kindly leave me alone?
KENNERLY
Okay, then if that is the way you want to play—
MYSTERY WOMAN
I wasn’t aware that that is what we were doing, playing that is. So, is that what you want to do? Play. Aren’t you a grown man? You must be what, be what, 45, 46?
KENNERLY
Oh, hon, you really think I look like I am in my forties.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Yes, well, the beard and the hair, or should I say the lack thereof?
KENNERLY
Well, I am only 38.
MYSTERY WOMAN
I don’t believe you. Show me your driver’s license.
KENNERLY
Sure, baby, but only if you let me buy you a drink.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Why is it that you continue badgering me about a drink? Is that what you do to make a lady feel obligated?
KENNERLY
No, no, no, darling. It wouldn’t obligate you to nothing.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Anything!
KENNERLY
Anything?
MYSTERY WOMAN
Anything.
KENNERLY
I don’t get it.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Grammar. Proper grammar. I don’t like men who fail to speak the King’s English.
KENNERLY
Okay then, so, me buying you a…wait…I mean to say…if I were to buy you a drink, it would not obligate you in any way.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Oh, I like that! The future unrealized subjunctive.
KENNERLY
The future unrealized sub—
MYSTERY WOMAN
Subjunctive: “if I were.”
KENNERLY
Oh.
MYSTERY WOMAN
So, the driver’s license?
KENNERLY
You really think I look forties? Well, here is the proof!
(Rod Stewart’s Tonight’s the Night begins playing as KENNERLY shows driver’s license and wallet stuffed with bills)
MYSTERY WOMAN
Oh my God! You are a Leo! Not good! Not good at all!
KENNERLY
Yes, I guess I am, but I don’t buy into that astrology shi…uh, nonsense, but since you brought it up. What sign are you?
MYSTERY WOMAN
Scorpio-Sagittarius. On the cusp. With seven moons in Leo. That is why we could never get along, but that would not necessarily prevent us from having absofuckinglutely wild-ass sex. Some of the best fucks I ever had were Leos. And that goes for both men and women!
KENNERLY
Whoa-oh-oh, child. You refuse to let me buy you a drink; now you are speculating about us having wild ass sex! Are you yanking my chain? I mean, are you playing me? I feel like I am being played.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Don’t get any ideas. I was merely discussing my past experience with Leos, and as far as playing, it was you who brought it up.
KENNERLY
No, it wasn’t. It was you.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Nope.
KENNERLY
Okay then, have it your way; it was me. But I feel like I am being played.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Anyway. Vodka martini. Stolichnaya. Very dry. No olive.
KENNERLY
Hey Mark! Will you get the lady a Stoli martini, very dry, hold the olive?
MYSTERY WOMAN
So, James, or do you go by Jim?
KENNERLY
Jim is fine.
MYSTERY WOMAN
So, James Brennan Kennerly. Irish on both sides? First-generation?
KENNERLY
Does it matter? Well…no, German-Irish, both of whom came here before the Civil War.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Well, that’s promising. A lot of full-blooded Irish I have known drank like a fish. I hate teetotalers, but I equally detest men who drink like fish.
KENNERLY
That’s not me. I drink more like a dolphin.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Dolphin? Dol…phin?
KENNERLY
It was a joke.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Sounds to me like you have an ulterior porpoise!
KENNERLY
Okay, ha! Now that was funny.
(MARK brings the drink, and KENNERLY pulls out wad of bills and pays him with a fifty, MYSTERY WOMAN takes a large sip.)
MYSTERY WOMAN
Mark sure does know how to pour a great drink!
KENNERLY
So…you been here before—
MYSTERY WOMAN
Yes, with my husband.
KENNERLY
Oh then…you are married?
MYSTERY WOMAN
Divorced.
KENNERLY
Oh, okay then…
(MARK brings change and KENNERLY leaves a five-dollar tip.)
MYSTERY WOMAN
So, what’s with the big wad of bills. Are you a drug dealer?
KENNERLY
No! I don’t even do drugs!
MYSTERY WOMAN
Not even a little pot?
KENNERLY
Well, yeah, a little pot. Say, what didya say your name was?
MYSTERY WOMAN
I didn’t.
KENNERLY
No, I guess you didn’t.
MYSTERY WOMAN
No.
KENNERLY
So ya gonna tell me—
MYSTERY WOMAN
Tiffany. You can call me Tiffany. That’s not my name, but that is what you can call me.
KENNERLY
So, will we be having breakfast, Tiffany? (beat) So you still want to yank my chain, doncha?
MYSTERY WOMAN
That’s not all I might yank.
KENNERLY
I, uh…
MYSTERY WOMAN
That is if you play your cards right—
KENNERLY
All right, well you said it, YOU said it…again…playing. (beat) Are you a pro?
MYSTERY WOMAN
Pro?
KENNERLY
Professional—
MYSTERY WOMAN
Well, I would certainly consider myself professional in every aspect of the word but—
KENNERLY
–um, what I was asking is, well, what I mean is, are you a, uh, prostitute?
MYSTERY WOMAN
How dare you! How dare you accuse me of being a whore!
KENNERLY
I, uh, I, I am awfully sorry, I just—
MYSTERY WOMAN
You just…what?
KENNERLY
I was just…I was only kidding—
MYSTERY WOMAN
Only kidding, my a…Anyway, I am going to powder my nose and don’t put anything in my drink…as a matter of fact! (Gulps down the rest of her drink and exits.)
KENNERLY
(Aside)
This woman is a real piece of work. A real piece of work. I just wonder what her shot is. Women today….. They want equal rights. Even want to make as much money as us. But they still want that control. They know what we want. What we have to have. They always hold that power over us, and they use it every chance they get! Women have one of the great acts of all time. The smart ones act very feminine and needy, but inside they are real killers. The person who came up with the expression “the weaker sex” was either very naive or had to be kidding. I have seen women manipulate men with just a twitch of their eye — or perhaps another body part. Equal rights? What a joke! It’s us men that should be fighting for equal rights. (beat) I wish I was a woman. Wait! Did I really say that? Well, yes, I would just like to have that power for just one day. That pussy power. (pause) The power of the pussy. That’s the ultimate power, and if we ever let them have “equality” they will have the upper hand. They will really have the upper hand! Hey Mark, get me another and one for the lady too…but don’t serve it till she gets back.
(MYSTERY WOMAN enters and sits down a seat away from KENNERLY.)
Oh, hon, don’t do me this way…I am awfully sorry. I didn’t mean nothing by it.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Anything!
KENNERLY
Right! I apologize; I did not mean to infer anything by it.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Imply!
KENNERLY
I, uh—
MYSTERY WOMAN
You did not mean to imply anything by it!
KENNERLY
That’s what I said—
(MARK brings the drink, starts to serve it to MYSTERY WOMAN, but then places it in front of the unoccupied seat.)
MYSTERY WOMAN
No, you didn’t…hey, are you and Mark in collusion…I only get the drink if I sit next to you, asshole?
(MYSTERY WOMAN takes the drink and puts it down in front of her.)
KENNERLY
Look hon. I am awfully sorry…and we were having a nice conversation.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Is that what you call it? A conversation?
KENNERLY
Yes, well, yes, and we even seemed to be getting somewhere–
MYSTERY WOMAN
Oh, you thought you were getting somewhere. Ha! Where did you think you were getting, Mr. Kennerly? Mister James Brennan Kennerly. Just where did you think you were getting?
KENNERLY
I, I thought we were uh, uh, uh…getting to, to know each other?
MYSTERY WOMAN
Yes, perhaps, until you called me a —
KENNERLY
I didn’t call you noth— uh, anything. And I am truly sorry. Hey, come sit next to me. (beat) Oh, hey, listen, (leans and whispers) I got some ludes—
MYSTERY WOMAN
Are you sure you are not a drug dealer?
KENNERLY
No, no, c’mon Tiffy baby, don’t start with that again.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Tiffany! Not Tiffy, baby. My Lord, fella, this is 1979, and we already into the Second Wave of Feminism–
KENNERLY
–Second wave of… what I didn’t even know we had a first wave—
MYSTERY WOMAN
Lucretia Mott? Elizabeth Cady Stanton Seneca–
KENNERLY
Sorry, miss…. I am such an ignorant schmuck. (beat) So, Tiffany, dear, I got some ludes and some killer sinsemilla— so, you DO get high, right?
Scene 4 SHIFT to sept 1978
(SETTING: Baltimore Police Fells Point homicide office LEVINE sits at desk reading the paper while PETERSON finishes pouring coffee (Radio…well, the Birds lost another close one last night and it looks more and more like it’s gonna be wait until next year for the 1978 Birds…”)
LEVINE
Looks like its bye, bye birdies, what are they like nine games out!
PETERSON
Yeah brutal! Another one run loss! But there’s still time. Anything could happen.
LEVINE
Except that your birdies are in fourth place. If anybody takes the Yanks, it’ll be the Brewers or the Red Sox.
PETERSON
Anyway, you should worry more about all the red up on the board rather than the RED Sox!
LEVINE
Well yeah, if I don’t start closing cases, my ass might be back walking the beat in Highlandtown!
PEMBERTOWN
Or they could ship your behind back to Brooklyn where you belong.
LEVINE
No I love the Bay too much. Even thinking of buying a boat—
PETERSON
The Bay. Boats. Baseball. You need to think murders, my friend! Solving murder cases. Forget the boat! Forget—
LEVINE
—Yeah, yeah, yeah…but it’s getting so I am afraid to pick up the phone. I am snake-bit. If I get another serial murderer, I might start of thinking of going over to the other side. Kate, on the other hand, everything she touches turns to gold—
PETERSON
She is something! The first ever female homicide detective in this unit and she’s solved what? Thirteen in a row now?
LEVINE
I think she must be sucking Giordano’s dick and he is feeding her all the dunkers!
PETERSON
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and just do your job. She answers the phone the same way we all do. It is just the luck of the draw or maybe she is just smarter than you.
LEVINE
No way! These fucking women though. They want equal rights? We let them get the upper hand and it’s all over for us. They take over the world. Damn women. They ain’t smarter. But they have intuition. Fucking Kate has intuition. That’s why she always picks up the phone at the right time. It is her damn feminine intuition!
PETERSON
(singing)
Well, yes de women are uh smarter! Oh yes de women are uh smarter—
LEVINE
Yes, they may be, DIRK, yes they may just well be. That’s why we can never let them get the upper hand!
(blackout)
Scene 5 this is the first murder sept 78
(SETTING: Hotel room at Mount Vernon Inn. Naked semi-conscious man, mouth duct-taped, handcuffed and tied spread-eagled to bed while the Bee-Gees Stayin’ Alive plays somewhat loudly on the radio. A “Do Not Disturb” sign hangs on the door. The man coughs weakly and murmurs. Maid approaches, listens for a moment to the murmuring, starts to walk away then stops, then decides to knock, then waits)
MAID three sections on stage
Room service…room service?
(MAID still hearing coughing and muffled murmuring, puts key in door then stops momentarily pondering then leaves)
Scene 6
(SETTING: Baltimore Police Fells Point homicide office. Jerry Reed’s “When Your Hot Your Hot” plays on radio)
LEVINE
Well, DIRK looks like your Birds are really toast now. Ten and a half back. Mister October hit another one out last night! Let’s see, the Yanks have now won six in a row! Sings. When you’re hot, you’re hot…
PETERSON
Like I told you yesterday, you need to worry about solving murders, not baseball. On the other hand, I always say, life is like baseball. Solving crimes is like baseball. Like the song says. Sometimes you’re hot and sometimes you’re not.
LEVINE
[3]Well, speaking of hot, Christ I am glad we finally got the AC fixed…my god, is it always this hot in September?
(Cont’d)
…but yeah DIRK I need to get hot. I need a DiMaggio strreak or at least a Pete Rose. (drops off) Say, you’re Catholic, right?
PETERSON
Yes?
LEVINE
And you have all these patron saints, right? Like I heard there are patron saints for when you lose something, patron saints for—
PETERSON
—Saint Anthony of Padua, yes—
LEVINE
So is there a patron saint for cops who are in desperate need of a dunker?
PETERSON
Well, I don’t think that specific but there is a patron saint for cops. Saint Michael the Archangel. In fact, I am wearing the pendant. I also wear a scapular.
LEVINE
Wait! You wear a scapula? Isn’t that a little large?
PETERSON
I wear a scapular because you wear it around your scapula and it ensures those who wear it will never die without having a priest administer the last rites. It is a ticket to heaven. Well, not directly because you still might be diverted to purgatory for a while but eventually you are admitted to heaven.
LEVINE
And you believe all this hocus pocus? And how long does purgatory last when time no longer exists? Make no sense, DIRK.
PETERSON
(recitation)
I believe in God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth. And in Jesus Christ his only Son, our Lord; who was conceived by the Holy Spirit—
LEVINE
–Stop! Just stop!
PETERSON
–born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried. On the third day—
LEVINE
—Please?
PETERSON
Okay, say have you ever thought of converting, you could use some religion. Some faith anyway.
LEVINE
No thanks… but then again…can I see that Saint Michael thingy.
(Hands him a metal pendant, Saint Michael on one side and text on the other)
(Cont’d)
Keep him safe day and night, give him courage strength and might. What a load of crap!
PETERSON
You’d be surprised how many of us wear it though. It is said to have saved an officers life too…. deflected a bullet—
LEVINE
Now that, that is a load of—
PETERSON
Well, maybe, but then again, who knows but I have faith and that’s what carries me through the day.
LEVINE
yeah you still never give up on un, she must keep you up at night, that thirteen year old uh Adriana uh
PETERSON
—Wilson. That angel, she still haunts me. I still think it was the Arabber but now I guess we’ll never know. Can you imagine? Gets picked up on a drunk and disorderly and he hangs himself.
LEVINE
Maybe he was haunted too and he finally—?
PETERSON
So maybe he got what he deserved, saved the state a lot of money— still, we’ll never know. And that reporter at The Sun—that guy Epstein— one who made his rep on the Monroe Street murder, he still won’t let the Adrianna Wilson case go, still trying to keep it a Red Ball. So who knows, maybe it wasn’t the Arabber…
LEVINE
Nah! I think the Ay-rab did it—
PETERSON
Arabber! Ay-rab is considered racist, remember?
LEVINE
Okay yeah sorry I uh but what is this Red Ball stuff? Is this another Baltimore thing like dunkers….
PETERSON
You mean you New Yawkers don’t use that… I thought—
LEVINE
—No, we say clusterfuck or shitstorm— but at least here you only have the Sun and the News-American and no tabloids… only three TV news stations and a mayor who is not unreasonable–
PETERSON
Yeah, Mayor Schaeffer plays it right down the middle, at any rate, Red Ball came from a railroad term—say, I heard from Metzbauer that they used to call you John the Machine Levine in New York but not for closing cases—
LEVINE
No, I wasn’t even a cop, I sold real estate—but we had a board too, I was leading the board for months, even almost won a Cadillac but I had a deal go South and wound up with a set of steak knives instead… then after that I hit a streak where I couldn’t close a door, eventually I quit before they fired me—
PETERSON
John the machine Levine… John the machine Levine…. has a nice ring to it…think I’ll start calling you that, maybe it’ll change your luck—
LEVINE
–or I could borrow your scapula er scapular
(telephone rings)
PETERSON
Speaking of luck. It’s your turn, buddy.
LEVINE
Fuck me! (beat) Just fuck me!
(picks up phone and listens)
(Cont’d)
Oh my God. Fuck! This one does not sound good. They just found a naked dead guy handcuffed and tied to his bed at the Mount Vernon Inn. Let’s go.
Scene 7 still sept 78
(Mount Vernon Inn hallway outside crime scene, murmuring, cameras
.
LEVINE
So what you’re saying is that you came by yesterday and you thought you heard murmuring and crying for help but you didn’t go in.
MAID
No, mister, uh detective, I thought quizas por un momento, maybe I go in but then I think no, it’s okay…then I think maybe I tell el jefe but he was busy so then I go home. Today I come back and they find el hombre dead. Dios mio! (blesses herself)
PETERSON
So the murmuring, could you make out anything, anything at all.
.
MAID
Well the radio, it was loud, I hear him coughing, then I think he started to say something but it make no sense to me what he say—
LEVINE
So what did he say! What do you think he said?
MAID
Well I not sure because it make no sense but I, I uh—
LEVINE
Yes?
PETERSON
Yes, go on—
MAID
Well, I think he say and my hearing not so good but yo pienso, I think he say…
LEVINE
Yes?
MAID
Well, I think he say “rosebud” It make no sense but that is what I think he say “rosebud” Maybe mean something in Americano, I don’t know.
LEVINE
Oh my God, I don’t believe this!
PETERSON
And that’s all you heard?
MAID (to LEVINE)
Do I say something wrong, senor?
(to PETERSON)
No that’s all I hear “rosebud”
LEVINE
Jesus Christ
PETERSON (to LEVINE)
Get a grip, machine! The Lord has nothing to do with this!
(to MAID)
Okay, ma’am, well you may need to come in and make a statement and we might need a polygraph.
MAID
A poly—
LEVINE
A lie detector test—
MAID
I no lie, senor?
PETERSON
No ma’am, we believe you. Nostrotros creemos que usted habla la verdad.
MAID
Oh thank you, gracias senor gracias! Perdonome its okay? Tengo que salir. Can I go?
LEVINE
Yes, I think we have what we need for now but don’t leave town.
MAID
Gracias
(exits)
PETERSON
So what now?
LEVINE
So this guy was in bed tied up for two days…the day manager says he knows nothing…Hopefully we’ll get some prints but we need to talk to the bar people.
PETERSON
Well, Kelly already interviewed the daytime bartender who couldn’t give us a thing…so we should talk to the people that were on Tuesday night—
LEVINE
Yes, I already checked, they both come in at three—
PETERSON
So let’s grab some lunch? Crabs?
LEVINE
Sounds good! Connolly’s?
PETERSON
Yes! Connolly’s it is
Scene 8 sept 78
(SETTING: Connolly’s Seafood Restaurant, sounds of waves, foghorns in background)
LEVINE
(to waitress)
Another National Premium and another Diet-Rite for my friend
PETERSON
What regular Natty Boh not good enough for you?
LEVINE
Are you kidding? That monkey piss? I’d order a Ballantine Ale but they don’t carry it.
PETERSON
You can take the boy out of New York City but you can’t—
LEVINE
Enough already with that mantra.
PETERSON
More like a meme!
LEVINE
A meme? What’s a meme?
PETERSON
It refers to something that through repetition within a culture becomes familiar. It’s a word coined by Richard Dawkins—
LEVINE
I never knew or thought that guy was capable of anything more than kissing his contestants and making stupid quips! In fact, a lot like your stupid quips, Dirk.
PETERSON
Richard Dawkins, not Dawson!
LEVINE
Who is—oh never mind, I am sure it’s another guy you studied when you were majoring in philosophy at Holy Cross…I just wonder why you are wasting all that education doing this?
PETERSON
Well, this is what God meant for me to do, something your heathen butt would never understand. Anyway, it’s barely past two, let’s get some dessert. The apple pie is to die for. And a la mode, for sure.
LEVINE
Yes…the best in the city and I’ll get mine with ice cream.
(waitress brings drinks and picks up dishes)
PETERSON
So were about ready for some dessert but give my friend time to finish his beer. I’ll take the apple pie a la mode and, for my buddy, he’ll have the same (winks) only with ice cream. Vanilla, of course. So, John, you think this will be another Red Ball?
LEVINE
You’re kidding. A guy handcuffed and tied to his bed for two days, apparently dies of some slow acting poison, what do you think?
PETERSON (facetiously)
Well, you never know. It could turn out he died of natural causes.
LEVINE
Yeah right. I should be so lucky. But it still would be a homicide either way as being tied up would make the person culpable.
PETERSON
You say “person” rather than woman. I am pretty sure it was a woman probably a working girl.
LEVINE
Well, you know that Leon’s is just down the street—you know the gay bar? Not to mention The Hippo—
PETERSON
Well yeah but—
LEVINE
And the handcuffs, you know a lot of those guys are into that, that—
PETERSON
S and M?
LEVINE
You know about that shit, Dirk? I am surprised. Did they have a course in kinky fetishes at Holy–
PETERSON
==You’d be surprised at what I learned at Holy Cross and I have been working homicide for seven years now…run into all kinds of kinky shenanigans in this town…I guess you didn’t hear or forgot I solved the Park Avenue Hustler case—the guy who picked up johns outside of Leon’s and murdered them. I can walk into any gay bar in this city and it’s drinks on the house for me and my party. I don’t need to watch John Waters blasphemous movies to find out about that stuff.
LEVINE
Reminds me I need to make phone call
(slow fade to black, then lights up)
LEVINE
(in phone booth)
Hey babes, look I am going to late again. I am sorry. I know you’re fixing lasagna…my favorite… but—
(Indistinguishable deep voice is heard through phone)
Look, hon, I am really sorry but I think it’s going to be another Red Ball
(PETERSON walks by on way to bathroom, glances at LEVINE who hunches over guardedly)
Look, look, I gotta go…yeah maybe nine or ten, I don’t know…okay I’ll try to call later…say, what do you know about sado-ma—oh never mind, we’ll talk tonight or in the morning if I’m late.
(blackout, lights up, LEVINE and PETERSON are back at table)
PETERSON
So who was that?
LEVINE
Oh uh, my uh neighbor. I uh asked her if she could feed my cat.
PETERSON
I didn’t know you had a cat—
LEVINE
I didn’t either. (beat) Man, this is the best, this ice cream it must be Breyers?
PETERSON
Breyers? Is that some New York brand? No, it’s Hendler’s, the best.
LEVINE
And these pies?
PETERSON
Exclusive to Connolly’s. Some woman, Mildred Pierce I think her name is, bakes all their pies. Anyway, look we better finish up—Oh doggone it, I almost forgot, I am supposed to see the chief at four, can you handle this bartender interview yourself?
LEVINE
Sure
Scene 9 sept 78
(SETTING: Mount Vernon Inn, LEVINE sits at bar, he is the only one at the bar: Radio: The Birds are on the verge of elimination from the 1978 postseason as they dropped another on at the Stadium last night…)
DANNY (bartender #2) ((turns off radio)
I still can’t believe any of this. I can’t believe this happened here, for sure. Guy tied up for almost two days, I hear. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it could happen here. I mean this is a class joint. F. Scott Fitzgerald drank here and Mencken. And oh, that other guy, the guy that wrote The Jungle?
LEVINE
The Jungle?
DANNY
Oh, let me look it up on my phone—
LEVINE
Your phone? You can’t look it up on your phone. This is 1978!
DANNY
Oh, yes that’s right. Oh, wait, it was Sinclair Lewis, er no, Upton Sinclair, yes Upton—
LEVINE
So… we just need to get down to business.
DANNY
Yes, sure.
LEVINE
So, the victim came in at around 8pm you say?
DANNY
Yes, more or less. I remember it was slow that night and he just nursed his drink…a Schlitz if I recall but definitely beer until—
LEVINE
Yes?
DANNY
Well, he nursed this one beer for like an hour and a half. I was at the other end of the bar talking with one of the regulars, I hadn’t even noticed her…anyway, he calls to me…calls to me by name which is weird because I don’t remember telling him my name, anyway, he says, “Hey Danny, the lady and I over here are dry!” So yes so like now he is sitting with this very tall and attractive blonde, very well dressed, a black low cut dress and black leather knee high boots with stiletto heels that I noticed later, not heavily made up, just very pretty without all the mascara a lot of the girls wear, you know the ones who try to look like Liz Taylor, so anyway, he orders a 7 and 7 for himself and a vodka martini for the lady, who insisted on Stoli which I thought was a little weird.
LEVINE
Age?
DANNY
I’d say late twenties, 27 maybe.
LEVINE
If you had to guess. Do you think they knew each other?
DANNY
Well, they seem to be having such a good time, lots of animated conversation, I gave them a lot of space so I didn’t overhear anything…except I heard them mention leather a couple of times…so they seemed to be two people who just met and just hit it off right off the bat or maybe old friends who had not seen each other…they sure seemed to have a lot to talk about.
(Bartender looking toward end of bar)
I’ll be there in just a second, gentlemen…So yes, they were really enjoying each other’s company, excuse me for just a second….
LEVINE
Okay relax, take care of your customers
DANNY
Well it’s happy hour so we are going to get busy.
LEVINE
So they are having a good time, chatting, and then?
DANNY
Well, after about three rounds, they start getting cozy, if you know what I mean, not kissing or anything just real close to one another…then around 10:30 it got really busy and I look up and they are gone. I go to pick up the glasses and there’s a Benjamin under the guy’s glass. A real blessing because I barely made my rent this month. Look it is really getting busy so—
LEVINE
Well, I think I got what I need for now but I need to get your contact information and I am going to ask you come down to the station to do an artist’s rendering.
DANNY
Oh cool! I feel like I am on Columbo! Can I come in tomorrow, I’m off.
Scene 10 still sept/oct 1978
(SETTING: Baltimore Police Department Fells Point homicide office, LEVINE reads the The Sun)
LEVINE
Well it looks like your Birdies are truly toast. In fourth place, TWELVE AND A HALF behind my Bronx Bombers…on the other hand, they might have an outside shot at a wild card.
PETERSON
Wild card? Isn’t that football?
LEVINE
Oh right yeah, what was I thinking.
PETERSON
I guess you missed the front page then?
LEVINE
Yeah, I only got the sports…and the classified.
PETERSON
Well, you’ll need to have a look at the front page. The muckraking SOB at The Sun did an expose on our M.E. that you wouldn’t believe. And specifically mentioned your Red Ball and that six weeks in, you still don’t have toxicology reports. He also questions that our stellar forensic department didn’t pull any helpful fingerprints out of your crime scene. And that reminds me they did find some blood, a small amount on the sheets and it doesn’t match the victim so–
PETERSON
So we need to preserve that, remember it could be used later as DNA evidence…oh by the way, whatever happened about the bartender?
LEVINE
He was really helpful at first, gave me a really detailed account but it turns out a lot of the description was false, we know because Zuverink talked to the manager who relieved him for a few minutes…the woman was a brunette not a not a blonde and the manager said it looked like a wig…he said he was really excited about coming in to do the artist rendering then vanishes…this flake was also light in his loafers
PETERSON
He wore loafers?
LEVINE
No actually he wore wingtips if I recall, DIRK, this is no time to play!
PETERSON
Anyway, so this guy just disappeared off the face of the earth?
LEVINE
Yeah they got s search warrant for his apartments, nothing…no usable prints. Luminol came up with nothing. The strange thing is why this guy just up and disappears. It makes no sense.
PETERSON
Well, maybe the toxicology will show you something. At this point, we should go back and talk to all the neighbors we can find that knew this guy as well as all the hotel employees. That’s all you’ve got.… Until of course, the bondage murder mistress strikes again. As our friend at The Sun thinks she will.
LEVINE
Ha! Imagine that guy labeling the perp the Bondage Murder Mistress when were not even sure that it’s a woman… Well… Everything, of course, points to a female but there sure ain’t no way to tell yet.
PETERSON
in the meantime, I have my own cases to close. Nothing even close to a Red Ball thank God but who knows what tomorrow will bring.
LEVINE
Indeed!
(blackout)
Scene 11
Audio (SETTING: Baltimore Police Department Fells Point office)
LEVINE
So I just got the toxicology back on
Well they found alcohol and cannabis, not surprising, but also ricin….the cause of death is listed as ricin poisoning.
PETERSON
I am afraid he is my friend. I am afraid he is.
(blackout, lights up)
(LEVINE sits at desk head down reading a newspaper, PETERSON walks in carrying two Dunkin’ Donuts coffees and newspapers)
PETERSON (putting coffee down on LEVINE’s desk)
Here you go, my friend, I thought I’d try to bring you some luck!
LEVINE
I am going to need it. Our friend at The Sun has this on the front page. The good news is that he has backed off calling it The Bondage Mistress murders. The bad news is that he is calling it an international incident, he’s now calling it The Ricin Murders and speculating that our perp might have ties to the IRA! Of course, this clown has no real evidence except that a neighbor said that he might have traveled back and forth to Ireland a couple of times.
PETERSON
Well my friend, I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news…even worse news, I am afraid.
(hands him newspapers)
LEVINE
Oh my fucking God. Jesus Christ!
PETERSON
I know it’s bad DIRK but please don’t put it on God!
LEVINE
The NEW YORK TIMES! AND THE WASHINGTON POST! And on the front page? Just shoot me. Just fucking shoot me!
PETERSON
Well maybe there’s a bright side DIRK, if this is an international incident, if there’s espionage or I would venture to say maybe some kind of weapons exchange, which I would say is far more likely considering the IRA angle, we will be able to hand this all off to the Feds, the FBI, the ATF…
LEVINE
Damn DIRK, yeah that makes sense, thanks but it’s all just speculation at this point and this guy was an aluminum siding salesman, a tin man! Not an arms dealer!
PETERSON
Well, the job could be just a cover. But we could find that out very easily. Let’s go talk to his employer.
Scene 12
(SETTING: Baltimore Police Department, Fells Point parking lot, PETERSON, keys in hand, and LEVINE approach car)
LEVINE
Okay if I drive, DIRK?
PETERSON
No!
LEVINE
Why not?
PETERSON
Because you you’re a lousy driver and besides you should review your notes while they’re fresh.
LEVINE
Well okay, guess you’re right
(gets into car)
PETERSON
So what do you think?
LEVINE
I think it is pretty clear the guy was just a siding salesman and not a gun runner for the IRA
PETERSON
In fact, he was one of their top closers, right?
LEVINE
Yeah and supposedly the guy put in fifty sixty hours a week, working nights, weekends and the trips to Ireland, he visited his sick mother who they say passed away in June.
PETERSON
We should confirm that—
LEVINE
Yes, but I think it is pretty clear the guy was just a tin man.
PETERSON
Those guys are quite insane, a buddy I knew at Poly became a tin man. What a character. He used to tell me about all the tricks they used to pull trying to fish customers like saying their home would be featured on the cover of Life Magazine. Crazy stuff but really funny.
LEVINE
Yeah funny stuff but not so funny now because the state is cracking down on them big league.
PETERSON
Bigly. Big-ly?
LEVINE
Big league, you know like big time. I guess it’s a New York saying.
PETERSON
Speak Baltimorese otherwise, people will not understand you down here.
LEVINE
Okay, hon. (beat) Anyway, our buddy from The Sun, Epstein is writing an expose on our tin men.
PETERSON
Great maybe he will stay off our case!
LEVINE
Anyway those guys we met today. Real characters! Somebody should make a movie about them.
PETERSON
Yeah.
(blackout)
Scene13 still September/oct 1978
(SETTING: Baltimore Police Department homicide office, LEVINE reading The Sun)
LEVINE (reading newspaper)
My Yankees finally wrapped up the Division last night. We are going to back to back just like the glory days!
PETERSON
It’s been awhile since you guys repeated, what was it? 61, 62?
LEVINE
Yeah sixteen years ago, 1962, I was sixteen and was just getting over the heartbreak of the Bums moving to Brooklyn and becoming a Yankees fan.
PETERSON
You were never a Mets fan, I hope!
LEVINE
No…. Yankee fans hate the Mets, just like they hated Brooklyn and the Giants.
PETERSON
I am still trying to get over 1969! The amazing Mets, then the Jets beat the Colts, one of the worst years of my life, sports-wise anyway, but I did meet my beautiful wife in ’69. Our first date was the first game of the 69 series. The one game the Orioles won.
(KATE HANFORD enters carrying a Dunkin Donuts coffee)
KATE HANFORD
Hey I just heard on the radio that the FBI completed their check on your Tin Man turns out he was just an aluminum siding salesman. Poor guy, left five kids and a mountain of debt.
LEVINE
Wait! They release that to the media and don’t bother telling us first?
Scene 15 back to fells point inn????
(SETTING: Fells Point Hotel Bar, Rolling Stones “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” plays on jukebox)
KENNERLY
I, I thought we were uh, uh, uh…getting to, to know each other? (note that some of the dialogue is repeated to clarify time shift)
MYSTERY WOMAN
Yes, perhaps, until you called me a —
KENNERLY
I didn’t call you noth— uh anything. And I am truly sorry Hey come sit next to me. (beat) Oh, hey, listen (leans and whispers) I got some ludes—
MYSTERY WOMAN
Are you sure you are not a drug dealer?
KENNERLY
No, no c’mon Tiffy baby, don’t start with that again.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Tiffany! Not Tiffy baby. My Lord, fella, this is 1979 and we already into the Second Wave of Feminism–
KENNERLY
–Second wave of… what I didn’t even know we had a first wave—
MYSTERY WOMAN Lucretia Mott? Elizabeth Cady Stanton Seneca–
KENNERLY –Sorry, miss…. I am such an ignorant schmuck (beat) so Tiffany, dear, I got some ludes and some killer sensemilla— so you DO get high, right?
(she moves closer to him)
MYSTERY WOMAN
Well, let’s say I like to take the edge off. I am a little high strung…at times—but are you sure you don’t deal drugs? Then what do you do, Mister Kennerly.
KENNERLY
I deal software. Well, I deal in software.
MYSTERY WOMAN
So you deal coke? Pun intended! You are a soft drink peddler?
KENNERLY
First of all, I am NOT a peddler of anything. I deal in software. Computer software. Proprietary systems. I set up financial institutions with computer software to help them track nearly everything they need to track. I am close to closing a deal with Maryland National Bank.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Surprising.
KENNERLY
What’s surprising?
MYSTERY WOMAN
That a gentleman in that field would have a wallet full of cash instead of a wallet full of credit cards.
KENNERLY
Like the shoemaker whose kids are shoeless, I don’t really believe in credit cards. I have one, an American Express. Anyway, I hope I can close this deal before Friday because I have even bigger fish to fry next week with Lincoln Financial in Philly then down to Miami to meet with Amerifirst.
MYSTERY WOMAN
I’d love to go to Miami but not this time of year.
KENNERLY
Did that sound like an invitation?
MYSTERY WOMAN
No just saying… but for all these big deals you are the verge of closing, you don’t look well-heeled. I mean we’re talking Men’s Warehouse not Brook’s Brothers.
KENNERLY
Well, I uh, the problem is that this software is so revolutionary that most of the asshole decision-makers I deal with don’t understand its benefits. We are just a start up and I’m in on the ground floor but if we succeed and I stick, we are talking millions. And the way we are marketing this is that we’re practically giving it away on the contingency that once the bank starts seeing the savings and I am talking thousands of dollars in labor that we’ll save ‘em. We renew the deal ninety days from now at the full rate and the company and I both make money. Lots of money.
MYSTERY WOMAN
So for now, you are just a guy in cheap suits who has to stay in second rate motels and–
KENNERLY
Well, this place ain’t the Taj Mahal but—
MYSTERY WOMAN
But it ain’t the Hilton either.
KENNERLY
Well, it ain’t Motel 6 either. I have a suite, really nice wet-bar and I hear they have a hot tub in the Honeymoon Suite.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Too bad you don’t have the Honeymoon Suite. I could go for some ludes and a Hot Tub.
KENNERLY
Mark, could you bring me the phone?
MYSTERY WOMAN
So you are going to try to book the Honeymoon Suite, well, Jim, I was only… I mean, uh, I—
KENNERLY
Oh hon, don’t try to back out now. Don’t play with me now!
(MARK brings the phone. KENNERLY picks it up and dials “0’ as Bee Gees “More Than a Woman” begins playing)
(Cont’d)
Say, Steve is it? This is Jim Kennerly in 316, say Steve is the—
MYSTERY WOMAN
Oh I can’t believe what I am getting myself into. Mark, get me one more and put it on Jim’s tab.
KENNERLY
So yes just for the one night. Okay twenty minutes then, can you just let Mark know when its ready then? Yes, put it on my AmEx. Okay. Thanks Steve.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Oh my God! What have I done? Well, maybe you are a good closer, after all.
(slow blackout as “More Than a Woman” plays)
(As the Eagles “One of These Nights begins playing, MYSTERY WOMAN holds martini just an inch away from her lips, KENNERLY leans towards it and MYSTERY WOMAN pulls the glass away. KENNERLY reaches up her skirt but MYSTERY WOMAN guides his hand away. The two continue kissing as lights and music slowly fade.)
Scene 16 October 1979
SETTING: Baltimore Police Department Fells Point Homicide Divison. LEVINE and PETERSON sit at desks. KATE HANFORD enters carrying Dunkin Donuts bag. TV/RADIO The Orioles are still licking their wounds after dropping losing the 1979 series to the Pirates…)
KATE HANFORD
PETERSON
Yeah what irks me though is that they had to play by National League rules, No designated hitter–
LEVINE
And Pittsburgh again… lot of people still talk about 1971 and Boog Powell not cutting the ball off on and letting the winning runs core in Game 7but at least he has his BBQ concession at Camden yards to fall back on…
KATE HANFORD
Camden Yards? BBQ?
LEVINE
Oh never mind (phone rings)
Homicide….oh good morning, chief? Oh shit, no! Okay, where now? Okay. (long pause) Hmmm…Okay…Yes, well… Yes…hmm, well that sounds promising at least. Yeah, I’ll get everyone on it except for Cassidy and Wittlesburger who are the other pending Red Ball—the Boy’s Latin case… yeah, the lacrosse player who collapsed, okay but I’ll get everyone else on it. Okay, guys and Kate, all hands on deck, my Bondage Mistress has struck again.
PETERSON
Where this time?
LEVINE
This one at the Fells Point Hotel. Same deal. Tied up and handcuffed. Only this time chief says the bartender can give us a really good make on this broad.
PETERSON
Maybe this is your big break
LEVINE
Hope so. G wants everyone on it and he wants both Kate and I to interview the bartender.
KATE HANFORD
All right, let’s go. Here John take this for some luck.
(hands him a coffee and a donut)
Scene 17
The Fells Point Hotel Bar
MARK
So it was slow that night, Tuesdays usually are. So this guy, he had come in a couple times since he checked in Sunday night, some kind of traveling salesman (beat) such a shame, seemed like a really nice guy, anyway around 8:30, this broad comes in, sits next to him— so naturally the guy starts trying to put the make on her, but she’s like really standoffish and sarcastic even. This broad—not your normal B-girl by any means and certainly no Saturday night hon—very sophisticated, well-dressed…I overheard her say she’s a hometown gal but no Baltimore accent, in fact, she had that accent like in the movies…you know that high-class…oh what’s the word, aristocratic accent, that’s it…a lot like what’s her name, the one with Spencer Tracy? Right yeah, Katherine Hepburn…yes a real sophisticated lady. Anyway, for like an hour…she is giving this guy a really hard way to go…. calling him a drug dealer because he pulls out a wad of bills…then all of the sudden the guy is asking to transfer to the Honeymoon Suite because the chick wants a hot tub. But we only had The Presidential Suite so—
KATE HANFORD
So you said 5’10” maybe 5’11”? How could you tell? Was she wearing heels?
MARK
Yes. But I factored that in. I noticed when she got up she wore these black leather boots with 3” stiletto heels. I’m 6’1” and she was exactly my height.
KATE HANFORD
Oh good, great…any distinguishing marks…moles.
MARK
Well, she had a mole on her cheek, her right cheek but I am pretty sure that was make-up…pencil I guess… Really nice figure, nice sized ah well you know uh chest?
KATE HANFORD
Nice big tits, eh?
BARTENDER #3
Yes. (pause) Nice legs too, a beautiful statuesque br— er woman. Only thing is, besides being really tall, she had kind of broad shoulders yet she was quite stunning…seemed like a really powerful woman not the kind I could handle but then again, I’m (beat) well, uh… anyway, yes she was striking and like I said brunette, medium length, not curly but not really straight either and I am quite sure it was natural, not a wig…I used to work at a bar where we got a lot of queens so I know wigs when I see ‘em….and like I said, high cheekbones, nice full lips, high eyebrows and natural, not penciled in…. beautiful long eyelashes, nicely painted and definitely not fake…yeah I think I can give you a nice rendering…
LEVINE
So, you can come down tomorrow and do the artist rendering?
BARTENDER #3
Sure, detective, no problem.
LEVINE
And you promise won’t disappear.
BARTENDER #3
I uh what?
KATE
The last time he had a bartender coming in to do make on this woman, the guy disappeared—
BARTENDER #3
Well, I uh know uh why should I uh—
LEVINE
Well, come to think of it. Can you just come down now? I mean well we are right down the street.
BARTENDER #3
Well I yes sure as long as I can get someone to cover…yes sure.
LEVINE
Okay ask for the chief Captain Giordano
Transcribed from excised text
KATE HANFORD
So what do you think, John?
LEVINE
Looks like the same MO. Married businessman from out of town, hooks up with our mystery woman and winds up being found tied up and dead in his bed two days later…we have to wait on the toxicology but I did some research on this ricin…which is extracted from the Castor Bean, in fact there have been children who were poisoned just handling these beans but anyway once its synthesized, it takes a very small amount of it to kill someone and death only occurs 24 to 36 hours or even longer after ingestion. And the FBI lab people tell me that synthesizing the poison is not something that the typical person could do…that it would take a great deal of expertise…it would take someone with a background in chemistry and access to a laboratory. So, on one hand we are thinking this woman is a professional…an escort….then on the other hand, a professional of another type, a chemistry professor or someone who might be working for Dow Chemicals or some place like that…maybe we could…Kate, are their employers that we might look for to—
KATE HANFORD
Oh my God, John. From Aberdeen Proving Grounds to Fort Meade, the NSA, not to mention possible employers closer to DC, and in DC itself, there are hundreds of possibilities, talk about a needle in a haystack—
LEVINE
Yeah, I’m grasping at straws here… it will probably be a big nothing burger!
KATE
A nothing bur—
(PETERSON enters)
PETERSON
–Hey Kate…LEVINE—
LEVINE
So you got anything?
PETERSON
Not a lot. Nothing from the either of the managers. Not a thing. But I did get something from one of the maids. She said the Do Not Disturb sign was on the door all three mornings she came by. Early in the afternoon on Tuesday, the second day, she caught a glimpse of a woman leaving. Redhead, tall, well-dressed, didn’t see her face…she came by on Tuesday morning, day three…knocked several times, never any answer. Finally, she glimpsed in and found the dead guy.
LEVINE
And nothing on the hotel security camera?
KATE
Hotel security camera? John, this is 1979.
LEVINE
Oh right! Damn, I forgot…so anything else from the maid?
PETERSON
Well, only what we already know, guy dead, naked, tied and handcuffed to his bed. (beat) But forensics has apparently found some interesting stuff…a small amount of blood, hair of two different types and a lot of what appears to be dried semen, a bunch of it in different places. Of course, until we can apply the Watson and Crick research that won’t do us much good—
LEVINE?
Watson? Sherlock Holmes?
PETERSON
No Machine, Watson and Crick, they discovered deoxyribonucleic acid, DNA, and I just read a paper that there may be some new method of human genomic testing that could turn out to be a sort of a unique, um what they are calling a DNA fingerprint, from blood, from semen, from hair maybe, even saliva…so the most important thing is that we preserve the evidence because this new technology could be just around the corner…just years away.
KATE
So I guess you two rocket scientists never heard of Rosalind Franklin?
PETERSON
Who?
KATE
Rosalind Franklin the woman who originally discovered DNA.
PETERSON
No it was Watson and Crick, everyone knows that!
KATE
Oh wait yeah uh yeah let me check my phone (fumbles around in purse) ….I well, anyway no, guess you are right, we are still in 1979, sorry
PETERSON
Check your phone? Are you okay Kate? Sounds like you may have caught the machine’s affliction!
KATE
Yeah weird how this keeps happening…
LEVINE
So all this DNA stuff sounds promising but by they better find this breakthrough fast otherwise I’ll probably be back walking the beat in Highlandtown.
PETERSON
Well I wouldn’t give up hope quite yet. They also lifted a bunch of prints so…
DANNY
(Brings LEVINE the house phone)
Oh, Officer LEVINE, you got a call here… he said it is really important
LEVINE
Okay thanks but it’s Detective Levine. ( speaking softly) ) What are you doing calling me here…(To PETERSON and KATE HANFORD) excuse me guys this is personal….(KATE HANFORD and PETERSON move stage right and start talking among themselves) so yeah I know we have tickets to “Mousetrap” tonight….I don’t think we’ll have time for dinner though….we may just have to meet at the theater…yeah I can make it by 7:30…right…at the box office, the tickets are at will call, right? Okay, listen you really need to be more discreet….okay…I know…but I could lose my job….then what would we do? Okay then 7:30 at the Lyric….if I can get out earlier I’ll call you…otherwise…okay…(KATE HANFORD and PETERSON walk back over to the bar near LEVINE) okay, look okay I really need to go….bye)
KATE HANFORD
Who was that? Sounded intense.
LEVINE
Oh no not really. It was my cat sitter, she was worried because Sylvester refuses his cat food and she thinks he might be sick.
KATE HANFORD
I didn’t know you were a cat lover, John.
LEVINE
I’m not.
PETERSON
So listen up, the manager says he has a couple other people we can speak to, doesn’t think they have anything but says we should talk to them
LEVINE
Who exactly?
PETERSON
A couple maids and a guest.
LEVINE
Okay, let’s go, maybe Kate can work some magic
(blackout)
Scene
Radio “A Baltimore police spokesman said at a press conference yesterday that they have received no leads yet after releasing a sketch of a possible suspect in the murder that occurred last week at the Fells Point Hotel. The suspect, the so-called Bondage Murder Murderess, is described as being…”
(KATE HANFORD enters)
KATE HANFORD
Hey John. G just handed me this certified letter for you.
LEVINE
Certified? Delivered here? Uh, okay thanks.
(Opens letters and starts to read it then folds it up and puts it back in the envelope)
LEVINE
Hey Kate, can you cover for me, I need to get a quick bite.
KATE
Well, DIRK was thinking of getting some crabs at Bo Brooks as soon as Tim gets back and he is buying!
LEVINE
Sounds good but I need to runs some errands so…I think I’ll just grab something at the White Coffee Pot.
KATE
You’re passing up crabs at Bo Brooks for that greasy spoon?
LEVINE
Yeah, Kate, tell DIRK thanks though.
Scene White Coffe Pot restaurant phone booth)
LEVINE
Oh my God, Christopher…you aren’t going to believe this. (pause) I just received a uh registered letter from the Bondage Murder Mistress. (pause) Well, yes I opened it. (pause) No I wasn’t wearing gloves. (pause) Oh you are right, I didn’t even think of that, oh shit well, if I die in the next couple days then you’ll know…no, I am not going to the hospital…well…okay I will if I start feeling queasy (pause) but no I can’t turn it over….let me read it to you…verbatim…are you sitting down? (pause) Okay here goes. “Dear sniveling little faggot flatfoot…” (pause) Look just hold on and let me read it verbatim, okay? “First, you will never find me or find out who I am, you donut-munching queer. I don’t leave clues and that sketch of me that your bartender helped you create will never lead to me being found. I can change my appearance at the drop of a hat. On the other hand, if I ever do screw up and you find me, your dirty little secret will be known to the world and you will be fired, my feckless flatfooted fruitcake friend. Finally, rest assured that there is nothing contained in this correspondence that can help you find me so you don’t need to be conflicted over whether or not you should turn this over to your forensics team of incompetents. Signed, The Bondage Murder Mistress” Okay that’s it. (long pause) No I am not going to turn it in. I’ll be fired. Yes, Chris, yes I see what you mean…yes okay, we’ll talk about it over dinner…at home of course, yeah, your lasagna would be nice and I’ll pick up some Mateus Rose and your Tia Maria for afterwards okay then.
Scene
(SETTING: LEVINE and CHRISTOPHER’s apartment, finishing dinner. . Al Greene’s Let’s Stay Together plays).
CHRISTOPHER
How do you know they’ll fire you, hon? This is 1979, in another few months, it’ll be new decade. Things are changing. I read that out in San Francisco a school teacher is filing a six million dollar lawsuit because she was fired for being a lesbian. I mean yeah, Anita Bryant may be alive and well… but this is Baltimore not Miami. We got a liberal mayor now. Spiro Agnew should be behind bars and that other crook Marvin Mandel is dead. The very neighborhood you used to walk the beat in is now represented by one of the most liberal women or— person for that matter—in Congress. Things are changing and the last thing the department needs is bad publicity. And, besides, you can just deny everything. I’ll even move out if I have to.
LEVINE
No, no, no hon…I love you and can’t live withoutcha, babes.
CHRISTOPHER
Oh that is so sweet but listen…worst case, we have money saved, we could get by until I graduate and pass the bar. We would not be on easy street…we’d just have to cut back…but we could make it. And another thing. If you don’t turn in that letter. Or if you destroy it. You could be charged with obstruction of justice and I wouldn’t be able to defend you. Not yet anyway.
LEVINE
Yes… well if they don’t fire me. Still…. Everyone would know what I am.
CHRISTOPHER
Stop it with the self-loathing crap, John. Can’t you see? Trying to stay in the closet is killing you? You just can’t go on living like this! We can’t go on living like this. Haven’t you heard about Gay Pride? Stonewall? A new day is dawning.
LEVINE
Sorry, I can’t do it. I’m not ready.
CHRISTOPHER
Well, you have no choice. What if they find a print on that letter, John? You will be a hero. And haven’t you considered that the department will keep a lid on this. No way they’ll reveal that they got this letter. Not at least until you track down this killer. Which I know you will. But again, worst case. You get fired. We sue. You can work as a PD or in security. Then when I graduate, we’ll move out West and start a new life. But they won’t fire you, John.
LEVINE
I guess you are right, Chrissie. (beat) Are my feet really flat?
CHRISTOPHER
Ha, no hon. In the meantime, get some gloves and seal that letter in a plastic bag.
Scene
(SETTING: Baltimore Police Department Fells Point Homicide Division office, LEVINE and KATE HANFORD alone at desks)
LEVINE
Well, no prints on the letter. Nothing. The letter was mailed, get this! From the Fells Point Post Office! This woman is challenging, almost mocking me. We are getting an FBI profiler to look into the content of the letter to develop some kind of psychological make-up.
KATE HANFORD
So what’s with her calling you a flatfooted faggot…I wonder what that is all about?
LEVINE
Well, the FBI is trying to figure that out. She obviously just made it up but then again Kate—
KATE HANFORD
Yes?
LEVINE
Well, Kate I–
KATE HANFORD
Yes?
LEVINE
Well, there is no way she would have any way of knowing it but—
KATE
John, just go on, I’m your friend—
LEVINE
Well, the fact is that she was right. I am gay… but I don’t have flat feet. That’s not true. (beat) I have a boyfriend. He, Christopher, has been living with me for six months…and I’ve kept it secret. Its killing me, Kate it has been absolutely kill—
KATE HANFORD
–Oh so the phone calls. The cat sitter? Now it all makes sense.
LEVINE
Yes, ha. I don’t even have a cat except for Chris, he is a pretty cool cat. You know, I am really proud of him. In six months, he’ll have a law degree…wants to be a public defender though…don’t know how that’ll work—
KATE HANFORD
Well, it’ll all work out I’m sure…so when do I get to meet your sweetheart?
LEVINE
Soon and you know what else, he is so handsome, so smart and he can cook too!
KATE HANFORD
So John?
LEVINE
Yes?
KATE HANFORD
I’ve got a secret, too. (beat) I’m gay. I have a girlfriend. (beat) But…we don’t live together…yet.
LEVINE
Well, I always sort of…well, I kind of thought—
KATE HANFORD
Why? You think I’m a little butch, huh?
LEVINE
Well, no, they uh say that it takes one to know one. So, your girlfriend? Is she out?
KATE HANFORD
Yes, totally.
LEVINE
And I suppose she wants you to come out too.
KATE HANFORD
Of course.
LEVINE
Well, same with Christopher….we should have dinner and talk about it.
KATE HANFORD
Sounds good.
LEVINE
Say Kate?
KATE HANFORD
Yes?
LEVINE
Maybe we should both come out…together.
KATE HANFORD
Hmm….that’s an idea. They would have to fire the both of us.
LEVINE
Yes, they would. (beat) They sure would.
(PETERSON enters)
Well, it looks like you too are really bonding! Working cases together will do that.
KATE HANFORD
Sure will.
LEVINE
Yes.
PETERSON
I had to laugh, John. The chief got a laugh about our psycho bondage woman calling you a flatfooted faggot. Imagine…John LEVINE gay! What self-respecting gay could ever even be seen in public with a man with a face like yours.
LEVINE
Ha, yeah DIRK and I don’t have flat-feet either.
PETERSON
So anyway fellas, I gotta run. Chief wants me on this other Red Ball.
KATE
Oh the Boy’s Latin case…the lacrosse player?
PETERSON
Yes, looks like it might be a homicide after all—
LEVINE
All right then
KATE
See ya, DIRK
(DIRK exits)
(Cont’d)
So John?
LEVINE
Yes?
KATE
So, nothing on the letter. We know that. Expect we do have the content. All along you have been assuming that it came from the murderer—
LEVINE
Well no, of course, it could have just been written by some whacko—
KATE
Or…and this is just intuition—
LEVINE
There you go again with your damn feminine intuition…but yes go on, I have to admit your intuition has served you well.
KATE
Well, remember your mystery bartender…the one who disappeared….the one who was 5’10”? Well…I think it came from him.
LEVINE
Why?
KATE
Just intuition but—
LEVINE
But he can’t be involved, he is a man!
KATE
Yes, but maybe he is a female impersonator—
LEVINE
Naw…we got a clear make that the Bondage Murder Mistress is indeed a mistress. (long pause) But then again….Kate, did you see Pink Flamingoes?
KATE
Uh yeah sure—
LEVINE
Well, yes that woman in the park…no one would have ever known. (beat) But the last we heard the guy skipped town.
KATE
Well, maybe the guy skipped town. Or maybe— maybe the guy is right her in Baltimore…he could be right here right under our nose…maybe even living as a woman
LEVINE
Oh yeah just like that guy Robert Durst!
KATE
Robert Durst?
LEVINE
Yeah you know the guy who confessed on that documentary on HBO?
KATE
HBO?
LEVINE
HBO! Home Box Office!
KATE
Home—
LEVINE
Oh right! Never mind. I keep forgetting that this is still 1979.
KATE
John, are you feeling okay?
LEVINE
Well…I have been under a lot of stress—
KATE
Sometimes I really worry about you, John. Anyway, we should go back out and re-interview this guy’s neighbors…I should interview some of the guy’s neighbors.
LEVINE
Excellent idea, Kate, let’s go.
(black out then lights up)
(PETERSON enters)
PETERSON
So I hear you fellas got a new lead?
KATE
DIRK, would you stop calling us fellas!
PETERSON
Oh, sorry Kate, I—
KATE
Apology accepted. So anyway yeah, I talked to this guy’s neighbors—you know the bartender who disappeared—well, she explained that the walls were so thin that when he had company you could hear every word but at least a couple of times when it was obvious he was alone, she would notice a woman leaving the apartment, she never got a good look at her but could only describe her as being tall and once the neighbor said she was a blonde and another time a redhead.
LEVINE
Another guy said he saw a tall redhead leaving the apartment early in the morning which he said struck him as odd because he thought the guy was gay.
PETERSON
Like I told you when you first mentioned the bartender, mister machine Levine, the mystery bartender is your prime suspect.
LEVINE
Sure looks like it!
KATE
So, guys, we got to make sure that this information is kept under wraps. Can’t let Epstein get a hold of it. Wait no! Just the opposite, let’s get an artist rendering… one as a male… then we could have our artist do another as a woman…what the guy might look like as a woman. Then ask for the public’s help.
LEVINE
Brilliant!
PETERSON
Yes, great idea, Detective Hanford!
KATE
One other thing though. We should get another artist, other than our own Bernard who did our Mystery Woman sketch, to do it…. just to make sure that images of the mystery woman doesn’t subconsciously transfer to the new sketch.
PETERSON
Kate, you are indeed brilliant. So, let’s get Williams over at the Park Circle precinct. He’s excellent!
KATE
Yes, he’s good, great!
Agreed. I’ll give him a call.
(blackout)
(LEVINE, PETERSON and KATE HANFORD are huddled together looking at two artist sketches)
KATE
Well, I don’t know.
PETERSON
They do look similar yet—
LEVINE
Remember that Williams’ rendering is more artistic than scientific in that he created a woman from the male description. I do think there is some similarity though.
PETERSON
Just too bad none of the neighbors got a good look at this uh, woman.
KATE
Anyway, guys, it doesn’t really matter at this point because we have nothing on either one of them. (beat) So the new sketches are already out to the press?
LEVINE
Yeah. WJZ broke into “The Edge of Night” just an hour ago and is hyping it big league for the five o’clock news.
New dialogue to resolve THIS STORYLINE
Next Scene November 1979
Next Scene
Fells Point BPD break room
(KATE and LEVINE huddled together, both speak barely above a whisper)
LEVINE
So it looks like another holiday in the closet. To be honest, I am not looking forward to it. You got any plans for Thanksgiving?
KATE
You mean besides the Turkey Bowl?
LEVINE
Turkey–?
KATE
The Turkey Bowl, Calvert Hall and Loyola at the Stadium, only been doing it for like 80 years…well they have I think I have been to seven in a row.
LEVINE
But why? You didn’t go there they’re both boy’s schools, right?
KATE
Yeah but my dad and just about every male in my family went to The Hall. But it’s over by noon, then we or I anyway, I haven’t introduced them to Mare yet, all of us go over to to my dad’s house for dinner…at least since my grandma died…
LEVINE
Oh I am so sorry—
KATE
No no… it’s been awhile so…
LEVINE
So…how long are we going to keep doing this…Christopher is having dinner with his folks and me…Christopher will bring some left overs and we will have a little dinner in the evening…
KATE
Well, maybe you could come a long with us…do the game…the whole nine yards…or ten since we’re talking football…oh by the way, anything new on your mistress…
LEVINE
Not a thing…the sketches turned up nothing…I am thinking we were barking up the wrong tree…at least, the heat is off this case since that Boy’s Latin case became the latest Red Ball…
KATE
Yeah that is so sad…the top scorer in the state the last three years, was going to go on to Hopkins next year and he collapses on the practice field. They thought it has something to do with heat exhaustion then maybe a heart attack. Then they found out it was nicotine poisoning! And no motives, no suspects…nothing…lucky I am not the primary…
LEVINE
Yeah…you’re up to (looks at board) seventeen in a row now!
KATE
Yup and I owe it all to Dunkin Donuts!
(maybe end of scene)
Next Scene Fells Point White Coffee Pot Restaurant
(KATE and LEVINE seated at a booth, Kate looks at the menu while LEVINE’s face is buried in the Baltimore Sun, an elevator music version of Angel in the Morning plays in the din)
KATE
No, I’m not hungry I think I’ll just have coffee…
LEVINE
Yeah, not much of an appetite either…I could use a bagel though…
KATE
Yeah me too maybe but they don’t have bagels uh
LEVINE
So goyishe this place
KATE
Wrong side of town…that’s what I loved about working the Pimlico district, so many great Jewish deli’s but here?
LEVINE
Yeah the White Coffee Pot and Mussels
KATE
Muscles? You been working out?
LEVINE
No Kate, mussels not muscles as in Eat Bertha’s Mussels
KATE
Oh yeah Bertha E. Bartholomew’s. I remember when I first started seeing that Eat Bertha’s Mussels bumper sticker all over the place. Then I connected it with that bar on the corner…that place has really taken off…. them and Ledbetter’s…old Fell Point is becoming gentrified and even a tourist destination.
LEVINE
Yeah, and that is just going to bring us more problems… say, did you see this?
KATE
See—
LEVINE
Here in the Sun, they just passed a Domestic Partnerhsip law in California that supposedly gives gay couples the same rights as married couples.
KATE
It’s 1981, the times they are changing, indeed…by the way, John, have you…have you heard about this gay cancer going around that they think is being spread with sexual contact?
LEVINE
Of course, yeah, me and Christopher have talked about it a lot and how we don’t have to worry because we are monogamous…
KATE
Yeah, thank God we both are (looking at watch) oh it’s almost 10:00, so you’re not going to order…they do have great Kaiser rolls here so—
LEVINE
I think I’ll need to get one to go…our meeting with the chief is at 10:30, today is the big day!
KATE
Free at last, free at last, thank Gid almighty, we’ll be free at last!
Next Scene
Radio: The O’s will open their 1984 Grapefruit League season next week against the Yankees in Fort Lauderdale. The Birds hope to defend their title by relying on stellar performances by Mike Boddicker, Cal Ripken, Jr., Eddie Murray and Rick Dempsey. We’ll be right back with Charlie Eckman on sports. Ezrine Tire jingle plays
LEVINE
Did you see the Sunday Sun? Epstein is at it again! Fake news!
KATE HANFORD
Fake uh what? (beat) Anyway no, I was down the Ocean…what was it all about?
LEVINE
More stuff about how incompetent the department is. I am tired of the lamestream media and the fake news!
KATE HANFORD
Well, I uh…was it fake when he wrote how heroic we were when we both came out together?
LEVINE
Well… no… I guess not but he is harping about the unsolved Bondage Murder Mistress again. He just won’t let it go!
PETERSON enters
What’s he whining about now, Kate?
KATE HANFORD
Same old same old, Epstein’s article in the Sunday Sun Magazine, the Bondage Mistress again.
LEVINE
Yes, I am quite aware, Epstein interviewed me for the piece. Bright guy.
LEVINE
Oh Dirk just because he—
PETERSON
–Yes he did do quite a job detailing my vast knowledge on the history of the emerging DNA technology that may soon help solve many of our cold cases including your mistress and my Arabber
KATE HANFORD
What about the Stations of the Cross case?
PETERSON
I don’t think so… we don’t have any blood but who knows? So, John how long has it been since your mistress struck?
LEVINE
I don’t even want to think about it. I just hope Epstein will give up the ghost SOMEday. Anyway, if we do solve the murder because we preserved the blood evidence that’ll show ‘em—
PETERSON
Yeah that’ll show them how brilliant I was because preserving the blood was my idea
LEVINE
Aw, Dirk—
Fade
NEXT SCENE
BCPD Fells Point Station Radio, :The Birds dropped another one last night making this the beginning of this 1986 season the most disastrous
PETERSON (reading The Baltimore Sun)
Shut that off! Can you believe it. It’s not even May and the Birds are out of it! How can you start a season 0 and 21?
LEVINE
Well, DIRK, you’re only what…14, 15 back of my Yanks and you have five months to make up ground so…say how are you and Christopher getting along now that—
I assume that It’s been pretty tough only seeing him on weekends but I bet he loves his new job.
PETERSON
Yeah and thank God for Amtrak and my folks having a place in Long Island with Christopher living in that tiny studio…I knew he was smart but the Southern District of New York? I am sending my resume to NYPD remember that asshole I told you about Lenny Briscoe, we worked that neo-Nazi case…. he ll put in a good word for me and if I don’t land with them, I might go into private work, maybe even start my own agency. (phone rings)
Next Scene opening day 1988
(SETTING: The Library Bar at The Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel “What’s Love Got to Do with It” plays on the juke. Dodgers game plays on TV on mute, song ends bartender turns the sound on…Vin Scully: so the Dodgers hope to rebound from their disappointing 1987 season finishing a disappointing 73-89 and fourth in the NL West. They open the season today against their NorCal rival San…”)
SHANAHAN
Hey Bill, could you turn that down?
MYSTERY WOMAN
Not a Dodger fan, huh?
SHANAHAN
No, I’m not from LA. I’m here for the pharmaceutical convention, leaving Monday and you?
MYSTERY WOMAN
Well I live here now… came out from Baltimore. So, you’re a pharmacist?
No. I am a pharma sales rep.
MYSTERY WOMAN
So then, you are a drug dealer?
SHANAHAN
I guess you could say that. Baltimore, eh. What brought you out here?
MYSTERY WOMAN
I was just looking for a more cosmopolitan lifestyle, the Charm City charm wasn’t enough to keep me there and a friend who moved out here in 82 had an extra room so—
SHANAHAN
And what do you do for a liv—
MYSTERY WOMAN–
–I am a uh, I’m a free-lance writer
SHANAHAN
Really?
MYSTERY WOMAN
Yes, still looking for a publisher for my groundbreaking book on feminism and I keep food on the table by writing inane drivel for women’s magazines and, of all things, The Saturday Evening Post.
SHANAHAN
Feminism, huh, so you’re one of those women’s libbers?
MYSTERY WOMAN
Please Mr. Shanahan, is it? Sean Shanahan? We are no longer referred to as women’s libbers! That is so 1970s!
I am so sorry uh…what did you say your name was uh—
MYSTERY WOMAN
I didn’t but you can call me Tiffany…
SHANAHAN
So sorry, uh, Tiffany, I meant no harm, I am actually a liberal Democrat and supported the Equal Rights Amendment and detest that woman uh, Phyliss Schafly?
Schlafly. That woman needs to have the shit beat out of her… but I’m not here to talk
politics, just looking for a good time.
SHANAHAN
We could have a good time!
MYSTERY WOMAN
You wouldn’t happen to have some samples? Quaaludes? Medical marijuana?
SHANAHAN
Medical marijua—?
MYSTERY WOMAN
Oh, never mind. I got some killer sensemilla and my own ludes…let’s get a bottle of Stoli too…
SHANAHAN
Gosh, Tiffany, you are so beautiful…there is something about you, that’s uh, different…I can’t put my finger on it—
MYSTERY WOMAN
No, you can’t, not now anyway—
SHANAHAN
Ha! I’ll put more than a finger on it!
(Starts to reach under her skirt and grope her)
MYSTERY WOMAN
Whoa buddy, hold off on that! We’re in public! And who do you think you are, Donald Fucking Trump?
SHANAHAN
Donald uh who?
MYSTERY WOMAN
I see you are not from New York…so one more round and…
Blackout
Next Scene Fells Point BPD
PETERSON
Hey, did you hear about this new hire?
LEVINE
New—
PETERSON
Yes, the new Chief of Forensics, a DNA expert. His name is, get this, Paul Holes—
LEVINE
Holtz or holes? Like the eighteenth—
PETERSON
—Yes, the latter (spells) h o l e s…he will be going through all the cold cases where he may establish a DNA link and—
LEVINE
Well, he may be a lot of help since my cold cases have so many holes…
PETERSON
You know I never told you this but when the Arabber came in…I had read somewhere that they might be able to get DNA off a coffee cup, so I saved the cup he was drinking from but I went a step further, remember how the guy used to like slobber when he talked…ill-fitting dentures or whatever…well, once he was slobbering excessively, I lent him my handkerchief…I made sure I got it back, of course, and I preserved it.
LEVINE
Dirk, you are truly a genius.
PETERSON
Yes, I am.
(blackout)
NEXT SCENE Fells Point BPD station Radio: The Birds hope to rebound tonight after their disappointing home opener 12-0 drubbing by the Milwaukee Brewers…whirring fax machine sound…
LEVINE
What’s that?
Looks like it’s our new machine whirring.
Our new mach—
PETERSON
—Our new fax machine, machine.
LEVINE
Facts machine?
PETERSON
Fax..short for facsimile
LEVINE
So, we actually got something coming through? How do you work that thing?
PETERSON
Just wait for it to come through…
LEVINE
Wouldn’t it be faster if they just sent it over the internet?
PETERSON
Inter—
LEVINE
You know email?
PETERSON
E-?
LEVINE
Oh, never mind.
PETERSON
(pulls out cover sheet)
Anyway, look it’s from the LAPD
LEVINE
Los Angeles?
PETERSON
Yes, machine, Los Angeles…(pulls out page one) is there another LA? Oh, my Lord, you’ll want to take a look at this!
LEVINE
Oh shit, Dirk, what?
PETERSON
Looks like your mistress has struck again… same MO, meets a guy in the bar and his mouth duct taped, found dead handcuffed to the hotel bed—
LEVINE
How do we know it’s not a copycat?
We don’t but it’s been a while, so the public has largely forgotten about our Bondage Murder Mistress and the big thing out on the coast was that Zodiac killer and now they got this new case they refer to as earons—
LEVINE
Ears on what?
PETERSON
EarONS (spells it) e a r o n s. The East Area Rapist slash Original Night Stalker…supposedly this guy had raped over fifty woman and murdered maybe a dozen all over the Golden State—
LEVINE
Doesn’t sound so Golden to me—
PETERSON
Yeah, they have a lot of wackos out there in the land of fruits and nuts….
you never know though. So, they have the bartender coming in to get a sketch. They want everything you got on our killer. I guess you better learn how to use the fax machine. Wait, there is another page coming through…(reading fax)
Okay just some contact information and so on…look make a copy and take this over to Holes’ office and let him handle the forensics on this.
NEXT Scene
PETERSON
Anything from Holes yet on the LA forensics on your mistress?
LEVINE
Not a thing, no prints, no blood, there was some semen on the sheets presumed to be from the victim of course but they are testing it to make sure, could take another few months though. Holes was hoping they would get some of the perp’s DNA from a drink cup or even a towel or something but all the hotel towels were gone and the place was wiped completely clean. Holes said our mistress is getting even smarter as she apparently knows all about how DNA works—
PETERSON
Well, looks like she is back to her old tricks. I think we may be hearing from her again and maybe sooner than we think.
NEXT SCENE Hotel Room
MYSTERY WOMAN and MAN on sofa MYSTERY WOMAN in bra and panties MAN still fully dressed
MAN Where did you get this blow, this shit is great
(MYSTERY WOMAN unzips man’s pants and goes down on him)
MYSTERY WOMAN Mmmmm yeah, stops and inhales a popper.
MAN What’s that?
MYSTERY WOMAN Poppers, man, amyl nitrate here try some…
MAN oh wow that’s uh… oh wow
MYSTERY WOMAN Mmmmmmm yeah love poppers
(MAN reaches down and tugs at MYSTERY WOMAN’s panties)
MYSTERY WOMAN No no no, don’t do that…it’s my time of the—
MAN —I don’t care
MYSTERY WOMAN But…I do…stop it
MAN C’mon babe we may never see each other again (persists tugging at panties)
MYSTERY WOMAN No just no! Get off!
MAN
What have you got going on down there? A whole box of Kotex?
MYSTERY WOMAN
Get your fucking hands off! (tries to push him away, MAN rips off panties)
MAN
You’re a uh! You bastard! (punches MYSTERY WOMAN in the mouth) You fucking son of bitch, cocksucker (Continues beating her. MYSTERY WOMAN grabs a pistol from her purse, man grabs the gun and empties a full round into her, killing her instantly)
Blackout
BCPD Fells Point Station
TV In a stunning development in what has been known for years in Baltimore as the unsolved Bondage Mistress Murders, the apparent murderer was killed with her own 22 caliber weapon by a man who may have been fated to become her sixth or seventh victim.
LEVINE
Wait, what, how?
PETERSON
Shoosh, just listen
TV
LA police now have confirmed to WBAL News that the murderer’s purse was found to have contained duct tape, handcuffs and a vial of what is believed to be some type of poison. In another stunning development, LA police reveal that….(TV reception is lost)
PETERSON (fiddles with rabbit ears)
Damn, this TV…and why are we getting this from the Teeeee Veeeee, damn arrogant bastards out there!
(phone rings)
LEVINE
Homicide…yes okay thanks detective…that was Holes, he says he is calling the LAPD ME now…says it could be months before we know for sure but…
(blackout)
LEVINE
Well, thanks Dirk, if you hadn’t preserved the blood, we would have never known.
PETERSON
Don’t thank me, thank Watson and Crick…
(Picks up the LA Times)
So that’s it? I would I have never believed it, all the witnesses always remarked how stunningly beautiful uh… she… uh was.
LEVINE
Yes, apparently, she was a real knockout. Jesus A Christ! Reminds me a lot of Dog Day Afternoon… but the funny uh, the ironic thing is she had already booked a trip to Costa Rica.
PETERSON
Costa Rica, what? Why?
LEVINE
That’s where they go now since Hopkins—
PETERSON
–Oh yeah gotcha.
Next Scene
(KATE sits at a kitchen table stirring a cup of tea, she appears to be about eight months pregnant)
Female Voice OS
Katie Sweetie, come on back to bed, you need your beauty sleep, the baby needs you to get your rest too…
(blackout)
Next scene
(Bare stage lights up center stage PETERSON standing alone)
PETERSON
Okay, listen up everybody we just had two uniforms shot on Greenmount Avenue, they are being rushed to JHH as we speak but (beat) they aren’t expected to make it (yelling, cursing from voices OS) okay come on, listen up people, (still murmuring who? Who?) Look, I don’t want the names given out until we notify the families but this is going to be a major Red Ball and we need all hands on deck, McNulty, you are the primary, Donovan, I want you to be the eyes and ears to the forensics team, Ameche, (lights begin to fade) I want you to be my liaison to the ME, Marchetti[4], I want you with McNulty. (detectives still murmuring) We have set up a perimeter at Greenmount and North Avenue (blackout on Peterson)
OS
We are with you chief!
OS
Okay thanks Captain Peterson
OS PETERSON (with strong conviction)
No Baltimore police officer murder case has ever remained unsolved in Baltimore Police Department history let alone two and it is not about to happen on my watch.
OS
We hear you, captain!
OS
Okay chief!
Final Scene
(a vacant high rise apartment someone has left a radio playing, Streets of Baltimore instrumental fades, then “it is another unseasonably hot and humid May day here in your Nation’s Capital. The Supreme Court handed down another major decision on Gay Rights yesterday as the High Court ruled in a 6–3 decision that a state constitutional amendment in which had outlawed protected status based upon sexual preference did not satisfy the Equal Protection Clause of the US Constitution. In sports, the Orioles won again and are off to a promising 24 and 18 start to the 1996 season after trouncing the Angels 13-1 at Camden Yards)
PETERSON (turning radio off)
I guess they haven’t finished cleaning (walks toward balcony window). Would you look at that view…just look at our city…I think I can see all the way to Fells Point!
CHRISTOPHER
We are facing south; can’t you see that is the Jefferson Memorial—
LEVINE
Well, of course, I was just thinking how far we have come…I mean I don’t believe any of this…we were hiding in the closet and now—
CHRISTOPHER
And now we close on this beautiful condo the same day we win a landmark decision on gay rights and
LEVINE
–you being a major part of it
CHRISTOPHER
Yes, I pinch myself every time I realize I am clerking for Ruth Bader Ginsburg!
LEVINE
I am no expert on jurisprudence but I think she is going to be one of the great ones!
CHRISTOPHER
Totally agree, she is brilliant….
LEVINE
Still can’t believe any of this including the fact that I will be spending my Golden Years being a house husband and changing little Dirk’s diapers—
CHRISTIOHER
Oh, come on, hon, you know I pitch in when I can and my mom too, she is just thrilled to finally have a grandson…oh you know we have to pick him up at one, mom’s got her bridge game and I have to head back to work, I need to work on some briefs. (beat) But hon, you are not a househusband, you are an author, in fact, I was thinking we should hire a nanny—we can afford it—and that would give you more time to write…so how is it coming along? Do you have a title yet?
LEVINE
Yeah, I am thinking Homicide colon an insider’s look at the killing streets of Baltimore.
CHRISTOPHER
Well, it’s long and won’t it conjure up visions of the song?
LEVINE
–the song?
CHRISTOPHER
Yeah, you know, Bobby Bare, Gram Parsons, Emmylou Harris?
LEVINE
Yeah, I guess for the people who still listen to that shitkicker sh uh stuff.
CHRISTOPHER
Oh man that stuff is the greatest, that and bluegrass and you know Emmylou got her start right here in Georgetown?
LEVINE
I did not know that but you can have your Emmylou and I will stick with my Miles Davis.
CHRISTOPHER
Okay well uh (beat) writing that book… doesn’t it make you miss those days?
LEVINE
Oh yeah sure I do… but I don’t miss all those sleepless nights trying to figure out how to close those cold case Red Balls, that Bondage Lady had me going for years and that Epstein guy was on my case the whole time…
CHRISTOPHER
Oh yeah the Sun writer. You know he is working for the Washington Post now, right?
LEVINE
Couldn’t care less…don’t have to worry about that jerk anymore…
CHRISTOPHER
Oh, I meant to tell you. I ran across something on your mistress the other day. You remember the creep who killed her? (beat) He put up this fercockta gay panic defense? Well, it didn’t get him off but the jury pretty much drank the kool aid and convicted him of man two and, get this, 90 days community service, got the trial heard by this really right wing Orange County jury who basically let him off Scot free but to top it all off a couple years later, the no good SOB decides he doesn’t want the conviction on his record and appeals it and the Appeals Court sides with him! So that’s being appealed, and the case could even wind up here. ((beat) Of course, this woman was a serial killer, but she didn’t deserve to be executed… not in that brutal manner for certain…
LEVINE
You know it’s weird but I have been reading up on her, researching for the book and the more I read, the more I feel some sort of strange sympathy for her. Turns out she was brilliant. She had articles published by the Saturday Evening Post, Ladies Home Journal and McCall’s, really tepid innocuous stuff on gardening, diet, travel, stuff like that… you would never believe this was the same woman killing people…killing Johns really…not saying they deserved to die either but (beat) she published under the pen name of Tiffany Taylor…then she had some more meaty stuff rejected by The Nation, the New Yorker, The Atlantic and so on that she submitted under her legal name which was, get this! Elizabeth Cady Roosevelt!
CHRSTOPHER
Elizabeth Cady…? What? How did she uh get a—
LEVINE
C’mon Chris the same way she came up with Tiffany Taylor, she just—
CHRISTOPHER
Oh yes of course…
LEVINE
And really sad…I read she had all the money saved and was ready to go to Costa Rica when…it’s just sad, that’s all (beat) of course, life in prison would have not have exactly been a uh—
CHRISTOPHER
A walk in the park…but it is sad…. just a tragedy all the way around…
(both walk out to the balcony)
CHRISTOPHER
Warm out here…
LEVINE
Warm and beautiful…look at our beautiful city…and it’s all happening here…it’s all going to happen here, and my sweet prince is all a part of it…
(They embrace)
CHRISTOPHER
A new day is dawning.
LEVINE
It is…indeed, it is.
(end of play)
[1] According to wiki, the first known ricin murder was September 1978 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incidents_involving_ricin
[2] For my own clarification, the four murders occurred at The Mt. Vernon Inn, the Holiday Inn downtown, the Towson Towne Inn (in Baltimore County out of city jurisdiction) and now in Ocean City
[3] https://youtu.be/ccy2x-JEoGc
[4] Fun fact Art Donovan, Alan Ameche and Gino Marchetti were teammates on the 58-59 champion Baltimore Colts and stated the fast food hamburger chain Gino’s McNulty was the star detective in The Wire. Donavan opened up a liquor store where we lived in Towson and we used to buy beer from him. Natty Bohs, of course
Harper-Nicole Anderson 