bhagavd-vita – Harper-Nicole Anderson

A Work in Progress
CAST OF CHARACTERS

DIVA RITA

A Hindu goddess who has taken a human body in an attempt to save humankind.

ISHAAN (adopted Sanskrit name meaning “”the rising sun” and associated with the Hindu god Shiva)

A follower of the Diva Rita.

SHIVANSH (adopted Sanskrit name meaning “part of Lord Shiva”)

One of Diva Rita’s most trusted followers.

SCENE ONE

DIVA RITA
Ishaan , I have been told by Haridasa, my trusted servant, that you have often vented your anger and bitterness in the Sky of Blue and in the Book of Face, is this true, my faithful warrior son?

ISHAAN (shamefully)
It is indeed true, O Holy One.

DIVA RITA
O my foolish son, and to all my brave sons and daughters who join us in the fight for peace and freedom for all humankind, do you not know your heedlessness will cause nothing but anguish and sorrow?

ISHAAN
I always try to follow your path, Exalted One, but do you not know of the terror that is about to befall us at the hands of The Evil One, The Kesariyaa Kutil Rashasa?

DIVA RITA
Yes, my son, of all the gods and goddesses,in the entire realm, I know this well, but were you not taught that your anger and bitterness toward this being you call the Orange Deceitful Satan does nothing but dissuade you from the fight for freedom? Do you not know that only love and clear intent can defeat the lust and greed of these evil men?

ISHAAN

Yes, my heart knows this to be true , but my mind cannot dispel the worry and the dread over the evil we are about to suffer.

DIVA RITA

Ishaan, remember the words The Buddha,: “There is no fear for an Awakened One, whose mind is not sodden by lust nor afflicted with fear. Realizing that the body is as fragile as a clay pot, and fortifying the mind like a well-fortified city, we must fight Evil with the sword of wisdom and love. Then, guarding the conquest, remain unattached.” (beat) Ishaan, you have been anointed to take up the cause against Evil but you cannot do so with such clutter in your mind.

ISHAAN (resigned)

Then what shall I do, Most Wise and Holy One?

DIVA RITA

You must leave the comfort of your warm abode and go now to the Mountain of Enlightenment, scale it, all the way to the summit, to the Rock of the Spirit. You will then enter the Cave of Redemption. There, you will meditate alone until the fall and the rise of two full moons.

ISHAAN
I will do thus, Pure One.

DIVA RITA

Then go now in Peace, my warrior son’
(blackout)

SCENE TWO

DIVA RITA

For what purpose do you seek my counsel, my dear Shivansh?

SHIVANSH

O Exalted One, I come to you with a troubled mind. I cannot eat. I cannot sleep. Tomorrow is the day that for so long we dreaded. A day that may indeed live in infamy. The day The Rashasa begins his rule. I fear all will be lost, and for me, to make matters worse, a mere shift in the wind may cause me to lose my home and everything I worked for and the Rashasa will not raise one finger in his very small hands to help us.

DIVA RITA

Shivansh! The Small Handed One rules no one! (beat) But yes, Shivansh, the fires do trouble me greatly as well, but you are one of my most faithful servants and confidantes, and you must stay strong in the face of adversity. You are safe. You are well. Stay safe and know that what does not kill you can only make you stronger and you, of all my faithful warriors must rise above it.

SHIVANSH

Yes, I know I should not be so selfish, as even if the worse fate befalls me, I will suffer less than many of my brethren, all the dreamers and all of those who have come here to build a better life for themselves. What is to become of them? (beat) My only hope is that the Lobhi Musaka and his cohort Ramaswamaramen and even The Three Shirted One will know that these actions will cause great harm to the economy. Perhaps, their greed will overcome the venom they hold in their hearts for my brethren who I cherish so dearly.

DIVA RITA

Yes, as you know, many thousands of us have prayed and meditated over this, hoping somehow our gods will instill in them some small sense of empathy or, perhaps even, appealing to the greed of the Evil Muskrat and his cohorts, they do not act in their own selfish interest and, instead, they decide to put an end to this madness. But we do not know what the future will bring, we have done what we can for now, this is how King Janak attained perfection. By action without attachment to results. You should also set an example for others to follow by your proper actions.

SHIVANSH

O you are so wise Exalted One. I will do as you say.

DIVA RITA

Yes, my son, continue to pray and meditate and remember to send out a reminder to our thousands of Warriors for Peace that tomorrow is Day of Fast and all those who are not bound by earthly duties, must pray and meditate beginning when the clock strikes noon in the East and they should continue as long as they are able. up to the hour of six o’clock. At midnight, we will all gather for a meeting to discuss our plans. I will meditate and pray that the winds diminish, and that he fires subside but do not fear the words of the Small Handed One and remember the words of the Seer Rachel: Watch what he does, not what he says.

SCENE 3

Zoom Meeting January 22, 2025

DIVA RITA

Hello, all my trusted and faithful servants. The clock not yet reached midnight and already we have over 200,000 participants, we may set and all time record. In a few minutes, I will turn it over to my trusted servant Shivansh to faclitate. (12 chimes of the meditation bell begin) After some brief comments by Shivansh, we will allow all to participate by entering questions in chat. (12th bell chimes) Let us have a full minute of silence to ask the gods to forgive the Small Handed One for all of his acts on this terrible day. (pause) Yes, this truly has been a tumultuous day, but I hope everyone is staying in the present and not allowing The Rashasa to live rent free in their brains. Oh my! We are still getting hundreds more joining in, but I will turn it over now to Shivansh after this brief prayer.
The soul being superior, it can control the material senses, mind and intelligence. 0 mighty armed Arjuna, use spiritual power to destroy the enemy and their lust and greed. Namaste.
SHIVANSH
Greetings all Warriors for Peace. After some brief comments, I will entertain questions. Some of you have questioned the tactic of affecting change through meditation alone. But these concerns reveal the ignorance of those who do not understand the Power of the Quantum. It has been documented by many such as the great visionary Deepak Chopra, that thousands have reversed all manner of disease by thought and meditation alone. These afflictions include diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, cancer and almost any affliction the mind can conjur. Although it cannot be proven, there is evidence that meditation, when thousands participate, has influenced world events. Trust in the leadership of The Anointed One, The Diva Rita. Finally, on a personal note–and I should preface this what The Buddha says–“The mindful ones exert themselves. They are not attached to any home: like swans that abandon the lake, they leave home after behind.” So call me a hypocrite but a lot of you know I live in L:A in the fire zone…I live in La Salle just south of Eaton but it now appears that my house is safe. Jai Mata Di. (Victory to the Mother Godess) Already, we are getting hundreds of questions, we have people sorting those out for the most relevant, so let’s check in with my assistant, wait, it’s you? What? How? I thought you were at the–

ISHMAAN-
—Cave of Remption. I was, but after all the pardons and communtations, Diva Rita decided to commute my sentence, so here I am.

SHIVANSH
So great to see you my loyal and trusted servant. Jai Shri Krishna!

ISHAAN

Hare Krishna! (beat) So, we are getting a lot of angry comments about the pardons and Executive Orders, and some are expressing frustration and even doubt about what we can and will do to counteract all of this.

SHIVANSH

Friends, we must resist anger and doubt, only Love and Correct Action will defeat the Evil Doers. Shivansh are you able to update those who were otherwise occupied praying and meditating while all these horrrible actions occured?

ISHAAN

Yes, it’s a lot. Most regretful, perhaps are the–

SHIVANSH

–Sorry to interupt but The Diva Rita is joining us…

DIVA RITA

Govinda jai jai! I am feeling a strong presence entering my field, it may be…oh one moment, allow Ishaan to proceed

ISHAAN

So yes, most disturbing is the pardion of all 1400 of the January 6th insurrections and commutations of the sentences of 14 others including the leader of the Proud Boys. These Evil Doers may now be unleashed as vigilantes to carry out the wishes of the Small Handed One who can pardon them again. Then there are the Executive Orders, the most outrageous of which is the one attempting to eliminate Birthright Citizenship. (beat) I am getting texts on breaking news…there are new Executive Orders just issued in the last hour…I am failing to comprehend what I am seeing…the first one…”I hereby declare that the inflation rate starting in February 2025 cannot not exceed the annual rate of three percent”….another one…”I hereby declare that that beginning in 2026, the annual global temperature will begin declining at the rate of one degree each year…” (beat) What the–

SHIVANSH

Has he lost his mind?

ISHAAN

I don’t get this next one. “It will now be illegal, punishable by up to a year in jail, to utter the word ‘couch’ and ‘JD Vance’ in the same sentence.

SHIVANSH

Oh, that’s the old joke about Vance and uh….

ISHAAN

Oh, yeah I remember now. Okay, let’s see…what else? Okay, so, well, of course, there was the directive on immigration but we know little about the what the effect of that will be, and, of course, we did not see the Mass Deportation and I did not see anything about Chicago yet. The other thing was the appearance of the billionaires including the Musaka, the sellout Zuckerburg snd the others…I wonder, though, did anyone see the Three-Shirted One anywhere? (pause) No one? Okay, maybe he only had one shirt on and no one recognized him. Oh, Tim Apple was there too and–
DIVA RITA
–I must interrupt…This…is…hard…to…believe…the Lord Krishna has entered the realm (long pause) He is going to speak through me. Lord Shiva, O Great One and The Embodiment of Love, why are we honored by your presence? (pause) “The evil vibrations from your sphere has awakened me to your plight. Whenever there is a gross decline in dharma and escalation of adharma, I appear Myself. (pause) I am the controller of all beings. I am birthless and eternal. Yet, I appear in the material world by the power of my energies. I appear in every millennium to protect the pious, to destroy the wicked, and to establish dharma again”. Wait, there’s more…”I am not affected by any action…Just understanding this Truth about Me will free one from karmic bondage or from the grip of the Rashasa, who is surely the human embodiment of Mara and all that is evil. Thus, you must trust in My power, the Cosmic Consciousness and the Unified Field. Just remember that you must, all of you must continue to follow the correct path and you shall be free. Do not fear. Don not anger. Do not doubt. Do this and you will be free. (long pause) I am about to leave you now but I will not abandon you. Love conquers all.”

DIVA RITA
One second there’s more. “Let others vent their anger on your various outlets you refer to as Social Media. Let others march and protest. This will likely only lead to more hate, more anger and more polarization. The only way to coumteract the Rashasa and all the Evil Doers is for all of you, and I see we now have over one million devotees, is for all of you to coordinate your meditative powers on a daily basis. The power of all this massive energy sent to the Unified Field will affect change. I don’t yet know how or when but it will happen. Trust me on this.

DIVA RITA

There you have it. The Word. Although the earthly actions of the Rashasa hardly seem relevant as they willy soon be reversed and nullified. For those who want to continue hearing more, Shivansh will take the floor.

SHIVANSH
I am so overwhelmed by gratitude. I can…hardly…speak. I will turn it back over to Ishaan .

ISHAAN

I, too, am in a state of bliss. And, But now we must focus on how to implement the directives of The Lord Shiava …I started to say “we must now get back to reality” except that the physical three-dimensional world, as we all know is the illusion, not the energy of the Quantum which is our True Reality.) Okay, well, the hour is late and most of you have to get up and go to work in the morning so…. We now know what the path is. Follow it. We will meet again soon. Check Slack tomorrow for the announcement. Namaste.
(FADE TO BLACK, THEN LIGHTS UP)

Wednesday 7 PM EDT January 22, 2025 Zoom Meeting

SHIVANSH

Well, here we are again, Lord Krishna willing, this meeting will be brief…I see that we are already getting over 100,000 particpants. We will give it a couple minutes before we begin. (pause) Again, questions and comments may be made via the chat feature and, assuming you read Ishaan’s announcement on Slack, you know that the Lord Shiva himself visited our sphere and is watching over us…okay, we will get started. Therefore, I will handed it over to ISHAAN who may have a brief prayer….Ishaan needs a minute…oh, on a lighter note I just found out, thanks to ChatGPT that Kara Swisher called Mark Zuckerburg a “sad, shameless weather vane” and a “mendacious fuck”. And, friends, if you are posting regularly on Facebook, please stop. Everyone I know who posts there present a totally inauthentic image of themselves and we know how important being authentic is vital to true self-awarenss. Okay…Ishaan is ready.

ISHAAN

The Plan I laid out on Slack today was to attempt to coordinate sending energy to the Unified Field on close to a 24 hour basis. We have over three million devotees and many in different time zones. The idea is to constantly flood the sphere with positive energy that will, as the Great Lord Krishna promised, affect change. I will continue to coordinate every day on Slack as more and more members commit to one hour of daily ritualand I will also propose at least two weekend events in which all will be asked to join in. Now, as far as the daily events. We know Enrique Tario and the Proud Boys are seeking retribution and such. It s truly disgraceful and sickening,but we must ignore all that, instead, focusing on sending energy to the unified field. Is everyone with me on this? I am seeing a flood of love and thumbs up icons! Looks like…we are all onboard. Simply check Slack daily to grab your time slots. Also, we will be reaching out to devotees to brainstorm ways that we can recruit new members. There are eight billion peoplemon this planet! I would think a goal of even 100 million is realistic. We will meet again on Zoom shortly, most likely the same time next Wednesday to report on our progress. Look for that announcement in Slack. Okay, if no one has anything, I will end this.

SHIVANSH

Excellent work, Ishaan…goodnight everyone.

ISHAAN

Goodnight Shivansh. Goodnight everyone. Krishna Sharanam Mama!

(blackout)

ISHAAN and SHIVANSH stand while wearing headsets and walkabout addressing different sections of the audieance)

(lights up, applause)
ISHAAN

Hello every one here at the center and on Zoom. My name is Ishaan (clears throat) AKA Seymour Rabinowitz (guffaws) First, I would like to thank The Y for fitting us in on such short notice as well as all the donors who made this possible. I also want to thank everyone on their participation this week on Slack. It seems that we are growing exponentially and we are now at 6 million members. That is double! With all the wonderful ideas on how to recruit new devotees, I truly believe that 100 million and even beyond is possible. I was surprised at how many of our members attend regular religious services. We have devotees who attend synagogues such as this one, as well as mosques, churches, you name it. All these folks are committed to recruit new members from their congregations. I just yesterday received an an official commitment from the International Society for Krishna Conconscious (ISKCON) and they will encourage all there over one million followers to participate. Before I become enlightened, I am enlightened you know. My wife might disagree with that appellation but I have to say that I used to see those guys at aiprorts and think they were weird…I was also surprised at how many Quaker devotees we have…although I guess I shouldn’t have been. With the help our Quaker friends (double entendre intended) we have received an endorsement from the American Friends Services Committee. Many of our Jewish members are now seeking cooperation from organizations like the Anti-Defamation League and B’nai B’rith.

Although we had been planning on organizing a weekend Mass Mediation, likely at least two to cater to different time zones, we are holding off doing that until next week as we will focus on recruitment and, of course, this will happen daily on Slack. It seems now that almost everyone is onboard with the power of Mass Meditation but someone in Slack reminded me of the Maharishi Effect named after Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, the founder of Transcendental Meditation. While it’s challenging to definitively prove such phenomena due to the complexity of global events and numerous influencing variables, there were studies that as few as 4,000 of the Marahishi meditators influenced events in DC and Global Consciousness Project, based at Princeton University, discovered evidence that large-scale human consciousness may have influenced random number generators. indicating the reality of the Cosmic Consciousness. We can do this. Okay then uh… links to all the Zoom meetings will be pinned on Slack. So, what else? Shivansh? Anyone?

SHIVANSH

I just wanted to remind everyone that yes, we are ignoring all the noise out of DC for the most part. In a sense, it seems like things are getting worse, like the confirmation of the Mattaprasaka–that’s Drunken Director–of the Defense Department, then the firing of the watchdogs. But the push back from the left is growing and that will continue. But what is happening with the immigrants is truly heartbreaking. He says he wants to house 30,000 migrants at Gitmo but remember what Rachel says “watch what he does, not what he says.” (mild laughter) Then, of course, there was The Rashasa’s illegal order yesterday to freeze Federal Aid which he rescinded today. I used to call him Demented Donnie and every day, he seems to be getting worse. I just hope our Mass Meditation strategy works sooner rather than later but we must remember that the Unified Field works in mysterious ways. (laughter) Oh, I heard a comment today from Lauren Boebert who said that even her hand would get tired signing all those EOs! (scattered laughter) Then he stole a family’s crest and plans to use it for a commerative coin…can you put that up on the screen? So there on the left is The Rashasa’s on the left is the one he stole. Notice that he replaced the word veritas, of course, Latin for Truth with Trump! The other day he posted that Hezbollah was responsible for Jan Six. Hezbollah! This next one is the nuttiest of the nutty. Now he claims that Hamas is making bombs made out of condoms supplied by the US government. (laughter) We can laugh but he has access to the nuclear football! Finally, he claimed on Truth Social , already refuted by one of his aides, that US government troops entered California and turned the water back on…of course, it was never off! Then, there’s RFK, Jr! Don’t even get me started with… Oh! Looks like Diva Rita is here.

DIVA RITA(mockingly)

Sounds like Shivansh has been practicing his stand-up routine, yes? (laughter while SHIVANSH grins sheepishly). Great updates, Shivansh, but I must point out that our strategy is working. The outrage is tremendous and almost everthing that they try fails. And as shambolic as it is, we must resist letting it get under our skin. Not that we should ignore it completely. But we should have faith that what we are doing will make a difference. I shall close with a quote from The Bhagavad Gita: “O’ scion of Barata, slash your doubts with the sword of knowledge and stand up once again to fight equipped with yogic knowledge.” Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya!

SHIVANSH

I just got an update that RFK , Jr. told The Senate that the Dems were trying to silence him and claimed that likened himself to MLK and Galileo. So there, that’s all I have on the update front.

Ishaan
I want to thank everyone for coming tonight and especially the folks at The Y and all the loving folks who donated as well as all the members helping us to recruit new devotees. We will continue to update daily on Slack and set a time for the weekend Mass Meditaions that we had talked about and we will make Wednesdays at 7pm Eastern our weekly Zoom meeting time. So now, we have some time to take a few questions from the audience so–

SHIVANSH

–I must interupt you, Ishaan! But I am seeing breaking news on my laptop. This is stunning! Looks like a commercial jet trying to land at Reagan National collided with a Military Black Hawk helicopter…just a second, gimme a minute or two to get this right.

ISHAAN

A commercial jet colliding with a Black Hawk helicopter? I did not have this on my bingo card. (uneasy laughter) No, sorry, I didn’t mean to be funny. This sounds tragic. I don’t know if we should go on with the questions or uh…I will leave it up to you guys…everyone in favor of continuing with the questions, please react with a thumbs up emoticon (pause) okay…we are seeing a smattering…I’ll give it a few more seconds. Okay, a relative few. Now, everyone who wants to cancel the Q and A, react with a Heart emoticon. Now, we are getting flooded so looks like the Hearts have it. I will send it back to Shivansh if he’s ready.

SHIVANSH (while looking at his laptop)

Oh my, this is truly horrible. They are showing the with –now confirmed to be a US Army Blackhawk Sikorsky H-60 and the American Airlines Bombardier CRJ700 regional jet with 63 passengers and crew aboard colliding while the plane was about to land. Of course, they are dispatching all available first-responders to look for survivors in the frigid waters of The Potomac but this looks pretty grim. Can we put this video on the screen? (Video plays while audience gasps.) I am speechless now. I wonder if I have a prayer that we can recite for those how have obviously perished.. Give me a second. (beat) Please repeat after me.

O Supreme Lord may the departed soul find peace in Your divine embrace.

May their journey beyond be filled with light, and may their soul attain liberation.

Grant us strength to accept this loss and remember them with love and gratitude.

Then with me repeat three times this Hindu mantra for peace which is Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti…

ISHAAN and AUDIence

Om, Shanti, Shanti, Shanti…Om Shanti, Shanti…Om, Shant, Shanti

ISHAAN
Bhagavān Kṛiṣhṇatvāṁ śāśvataṁ śāntiṁ dadātu…Goodnight, everyone

(fade to black)

NEXT SCENE ZOOM Meeting 2/5 at the Y

ISHAAN

Looks like we have standing room only crowd tonight. I want to thank everyone for coming, as well as the folks at the center. I believe we are honored with presence of The Exalted One! he Diva Rita.

DIVA RITA

Jaya Shri Krishna! From The Dhammapada. “The false accuser goes to hell; also one who having done wrong cries out (beat) Fake News! (laughter) The wicked will be reborn in hell because of their evil deeds. The Buddha is wise indeed and occasionally knows how to deliver a punch line!

Ishaan tells me that we now have almost 15 million followers. Thus, I would like to suggest a couple of, how would you say in America? Go to or default mantras for our meditations. First, of course, we should pray for peace, Om Shanti, Shant, Shanti. Then there’s one asking the Divine to protect those who stand for truth: Agne Tvaṁ Pāhi Naḥ Satyān. Next is Om Tat Sat meaning “Awareness embraces eternal truth.” Finally, my loyal and trusted servants, as you are trusted, each facilitator may choose whatever mantra feels appropriate. Bhagavān Krishna tvāṁ śāśvataṁ śāntiṁ dadātu.

ISHAAN

Most Holy and Benevolent. Of course, we will follow your lead. Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya! So yes, we have much business to attend to but first, let’s start with a short prayer, followed by a moment of silence for all those suffering from the foolish, selfish and evil acts of The Orange Rashasa.
May all beings be happy. May all be free from illness.
May all see what is auspicious. May no one suffer.
Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.

Thank you. I have a slew of great news but I don’t know where to begin. First, is that our memberhsip has grown, thanks to all the work of thousands of our faithful devoteeshave done , to over 15 million at last count and will likely continue to increase exponentially as…are you ready for this? (crowd murmurs with anticipation) The great spiritual leader Deepak Chopra has volunteered to help us our Spiritual Advisor and will promote us on his website and might even lead us in meditations in the future! He has numerous websites, YouTube channels, is on Twitter, and also is on Bluesky. I am astoundedthat he only has 1.7 thousand followers there, so far. Although we disocurage the addictive use of Social Media, we do encourage everyone to use those platforms to promote and fund raise, which many of our younger members do on Tik-Tok especially. So I would encourage everyone to follow Dr. Chopra. His handle is @deepakchopra.bsky.social. As well, although we don’t organize marches, we do encourage members to participate in peacefully protest of any kind. I believe Shivansh has more on that?

SHIVANSH
Oh yes, in fact, it looks like tens of thousands of our members participated from what I saw on Slack and still hundreds of folks are continuing to recruit, we are growing at an incredible rate, now approaching 25 million members! Millions are participating in the daily and weekly meditations (mention times) and it appears that The Resistance is growing and I can’t help but think the meditative energy sent to the Unifield Field is contributing to that. I hate to even regurgitate the venom coming out of the Small Handed One’s piehole, not to mention the Musaka, The Muskrat, but many of you said they like the updates, so I will do so.
ISHAAN

Most of you don’t know that “in another life” (exagerrated quotes gesture) Shivansh was an Investigative Report for the Wall Street Journal! (audience mixed reaction) Yes, Rupert Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal!
SHIVANSH
So Ham! I feel like I have just been outed. Sarvam Khalvidam Brahman. So… it’s been another insane week and I am glad to keep up with this so the rest of you don’t have to.The nuttiest thing is The Small Handed One wanting to turn Gaza in the The Mar-a-Lago-of-the-East, which, of course, is DOA. But I have a scoop on this the Rashasa and the Musaka ( Muskrat ) have contacted the producers of The White Lotus, now this is really nuts, and said if they are willing to shoot Season Four at the new Clud Med style Mar-a-Lago of the Middle East, that not only will they cover all the expenses of the filming but they will pick up the entire cost of the entire four season, including promotion. No worCAST OF CHARACTERS

DIVA RITA

A Hindu goddess who has taken a human body in an attempt to save humankind. (Note that “diva” in Italian means goddess not an opera singer)

ISHAAN (adopted Sanskrit name meaning “”the rising sun” and associated with the Hindu god Shiva) A follower of the Diva Rita.

SHIVANSH (adopted Sanskrit name meaning “part of Lord Shiva”) One of Diva Rita’s most trusted followers
THE LORD KRISHNA is a character but doesn’t appear visually as he speaks through DIVA RITA

Time: Just before the inauguration 2025

Place: The Unified Field

SCENE ONE

DIVA RITA
Ishaan , I have been told by Haridasa, my trusted servant, that you have often vented your anger and bitterness in the Sky of Blue and in the Book of Face, is this true, my faithful warrior son?

ISHAAN (shamefully)
It is indeed true, O Holy One.

DIVA RITA
O my foolish son, and to all my brave sons and daughters who join us in the fight for peace and freedom for all humankind, do you not know that your heedlessness will cause nothing but anguish and sorrow?

ISHAAN
I always try to follow your path, Exalted One, but do you not know of the terror that is about to befall us at the hands of The Evil One, The Orange Kutil Rashasa?

DIVA RITA
Yes, my son, of all the gods and goddesses in the entire realm, I know this well, but were you not taught that your anger and bitterness toward this being you call the Orange Deceitful Satan does nothing but dissuade you from the fight for freedom? Do you not know that only love and clear intent can defeat the lust and greed of these evil men?

ISHAAN

Yes, my heart knows this to be true, but my mind cannot dispel the worry and the dread over the evil we are about to suffer.

DIVA RITA

Ishaan, you must know that not living in the present moment is not right action, remember the words of The Buddha, “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” (beat) Ishaan, you have been anointed to take up the cause against Evil but you cannot do so with such clutter in your mind.

ISHAAN (resigned)

Then what shall I do, Most Wise and Holy One?

DIVA RITA

ISHAAN
I will do thus, Pure One.

DIVA RITA

Then go now in Peace, my warrior son’
(blackout)

SCENE TWO

DIVA RITA

For what purpose do you seek my counsel, my dear Shivansh?

SHIVANSH

DIVA RITA

Yes, I know I should not be so selfish, as even if the worse fate befalls me, I will suffer less than many of my brethren, all the dreamers and all of those who have come here to build a better life for themselves. What is to become of them? (beat) My only hope is that the Lobhi Musaka, (Evil Muskrat) will know that these actions will cause great harm to the economy. Perhaps, their greed will overcome the venom they hold in their hearts for my brethren who I cherish so dearly.

DIVA RITA

Yes, as you know, many thousands of us have prayed and meditated over this, hoping somehow our gods will instill in them some small sense of empathy or, perhaps even, appealing to the greed of the Evil Muskrat and his cohorts, they do not act in their own selfish interest and, instead, they decide to put an end to this madness. But we do not know what the future will bring, we have done what we can for now, this is how many of us have attained perfection. By action without attachment to results. You should also set an example for others to follow by your proper actions.

SHIVANSH

O you are so wise Exalted One. I will do as you say.

DIVA RITA

Zoom Meeting January 22, 2025

DIVA RITA

Hello, all my trusted and faithful servants. The clock not yet reached midnight and already we have over 200,000 participants, we may set and all time record. In a few minutes, I will turn it over to my trusted servant Shivansh to faclitate. (12 chimes of the meditation bell begin) After some brief comments by Shivansh, we will allow all to participate by entering questions in chat. (12th bell chimes) Let us have a full minute of silence to ask the gods to forgive the Small Handed One for all of his acts on this terrible day. (pause) Yes, this truly has been a tumultuous day, but I hope everyone is staying in the present and not allowing The Rashasa to live rent free in their brains. Oh my! We are still getting hundreds more joining in, but I will turn it over now to Shivansh after this brief prayer.
The soul being superior, it can control the material senses, mind and intelligence. 0 mighty armed Arjuna, use spiritual power to destroy the enemy and their lust and greed. Namaste.
SHIVANSH
Greetings all Warriors for Peace. After some brief comments, I will entertain questions. Some of you have questioned the tactic of affecting change through meditation alone. But these concerns reveal the ignorance of those who do not understand the Power of the Quantum Field. It has been documented by many such as the great visionary Deepak Chopra that thousands have reversed all manner of disease by thought and meditation alone. Although it cannot be proven, there is evidence that meditation, when thousands participate, has influenced world events. Trust in the leadership of The Anointed One, The Diva Rita. Finally, on a personal note–and I should preface this what The Buddha says–“The mindful ones exert themselves. They are not attached to any home: like swans that abandon the lake, they leave home after home behind.” So, call me a hypocrite but a lot of you know I live in L:A in the fire zone… in La Salle but it now appears that my house is safe. Jai Mata Di. (Victory to the Mother Goddess) Already, we are getting hundreds of questions, we have people sorting those out for the most relevant, so let’s check in with my assistant, wait, it’s you? What? How? I thought you were at the–

ISHMAAN

—Cave of Redemption. I was, but after all the Trump pardons and commutations, Diva Rita thought that she should to commute my sentence as well, so here I am.

SHIVANSH
So great to see you my loyal and trusted servant. Jai Shri Krishna!

ISHAAN

SHIVANSH

ISHAAN

Yes, it’s a lot. Most regretful, perhaps are the—

SHIVANSH

–Sorry to interupt but The Diva Rita is joining us…

DIVA RITA

Govinda jai jai! I am feeling a strong presence entering my field, it may be…oh just one moment…allow Ishaan to proceed…

ISHAAN

So yes, most disturbing is the pardon of all 1400 of the January 6th insurrections and commutations of the sentences of 14 others including the leader of the Proud Boys. These Evil Doers may now be unleashed as vigilantes to carry out the wishes of the Small Handed One who can pardon them again. Then there are the Executive Orders, the most outrageous of which is the one attempting to eliminate Birthright Citizenship. (beat) I am getting texts on breaking news…there are new Executive Orders just issued in the last hour…I am failing to comprehend what I am seeing…the first one…”I hereby declare that the inflation rate starting in February 2025 cannot not exceed the annual rate of three percent”….another one…”I hereby declare that that beginning in 2026, the annual global temperature will begin declining at the rate of one degree each year…” (beat) What the–

SHIVANSH

Has he lost his mind?

ISHAAN

I don’t get this next one. “It will now be illegal, punishable by up to a year in jail, to utter the word ‘couch’ and ‘JD Vance’ in the same sentence.

SHIVANSH Oh, that’s the old joke about Vance and uh….

ISHAAN Oh, yeah I remember now. Okay, let’s see…what else? Okay, so, well, of course, there a lot on immigration but we know little about the what the effect of that will be, and, of course, we did not see the Mass Deportation yet. The other thing was the appearance of the billionaires including the Musaka, the sellout Zuckerburg and the others…I wonder, though, did anyone see the Three-Shirted One anywhere? (pause) No one? Okay, maybe he only had one shirt on and no one recognized him. Oh, Tim Apple was there too and–
DIVA RITA
–I must interrupt…This…is…hard…to…believe…the Lord Krishna has entered the realm (long pause) He is going to speak through me. Lord Shiva, O Great One and The Embodiment of Love, why are we honored by your presence? (pause) “The evil vibrations from your sphere has awakened me to your plight. Whenever there is a gross decline in dharma and escalation of adharma, I appear Myself. (pause) I am the controller of all beings. I am birthless and eternal. Yet, I appear in the material world by the power of my energies. I appear in every millennium to protect the pious, to destroy the wicked, and to establish dharma again”. Wait, there’s more…”I am not affected by any action…Just understanding this Truth about Me will free one from karmic bondage or from the grip of the Rashasa, who is surely the human embodiment of Mara and all that is evil. Thus, you must trust in My power, the Cosmic Consciousness and the Unified Field. Just remember that you must, all of you must continue to follow the correct path and you shall be free. Do not fear. Do not anger. Do not doubt. Do this and you will be free. (long pause) I am about to leave you now but I will not abandon you. Love conquers all.”

DIVA RITA
One second there’s more. “Let others vent their anger on your various outlets you refer to as Social Media. Let others march and protest. This will likely only lead to more hate, more anger and more polarization. The only way to counteract the Rashasa and all the Evil Doers is for all of you, and I see we now have over one million devotees, is for all of you to coordinate your meditative powers on a daily basis. The power of all this massive energy sent to the Unified Field will affect change. I don’t yet know how or when but it will happen. Trust me on this.

DIVA RITA There you have it. The Word. Although the earthly actions of the Rashasa hardly seem relevant as they will soon be reversed and nullified. For those who want to continue hearing more, Shivansh will take the floor.

SHIVANSH
I am so overwhelmed by gratitude. I can…hardly…speak. I will turn it back over to Ishaan .

ISHAAN

I, too, am in a state of bliss. But now we must focus on how to implement the directives of The Lord Krishna…I started to say “we must now get back to reality” except that—as we all know— the physical three-dimensional world is the illusion and the energy of the Cosmos is the True Reality. Okay, well, the hour is late and most of you have to get up and go to work in the morning so…. We now know what the path is. Follow it. We will meet again soon. Check Slack tomorrow for the announcement. Namaste.
(FADE TO BLACK, THEN LIGHTS UP)

Wednesday 7 PM EDT January 29, 2025 Zoom Meeting

SHIVANSH

ISHAAN

The Plan I laid out on Slack today was to attempt to coordinate sending energy to the Unified Field on close to a 24 hour basis. We have over three million devotees and many in different time zones. The idea is to constantly flood the sphere with positive energy that will, as the Great Lord Krishna promised, affect change. I will continue to coordinate every day on Slack as more and more members commit to one hour of daily ritual and I will also propose at least two weekend events in which all will be asked to join in. Now, as far as the daily events. We know Enrique Tario and the Proud Boys are seeking retribution and such. It s truly disgraceful and sickening,but we must ignore all that, instead, focusing on sending energy to the unified field. Is everyone with me on this? I am seeing a flood of love and thumbs up icons! Looks like…we are all onboard. Simply check Slack daily to grab your time slots. Also, we will be reaching out to devotees to brainstorm ways that we can recruit new members. There are eight billion people on this planet! I would think a goal of even 100 million is realistic. We will meet again on Zoom shortly, probably the same time next Wednesday to report on our progress. Look for that announcement in Slack. Okay, if no one has anything, I will end this.

SHIVANSH

Excellent work, Ishaan…goodnight everyone.

ISHAAN

Goodnight Shivansh. Goodnight everyone. Krishna Sharanam Mama!

(blackout)

ZOOM MEETING AT THE Y
ISHAAN and SHIVANSH stand while wearing headsets and walkabout addressing different sections of the audience)

(lights up, applause)
ISHAAN

Hello everyone here at the center and on Zoom. My name is Ishaan (clears throat) AKA Seymour Rabinowitz (guffaws) First, I would like to thank The Y for fitting us in on such short notice as well as all the donors who made this possible. I also want to thank everyone on their participation this week on Slack. It seems that we are growing exponentially, and we are now at 6 million members. That is double! With all the wonderful ideas on how to recruit new devotees, I truly believe that 100 million and even beyond is possible. I was surprised at how many of our members attend regular religious services. We have devotees who attend synagogues as well as mosques, churches, you name it. All these folks are committed to recruit new members from their congregations. I just yesterday received an an official commitment from the International Society for Krishna Conconscious (ISKCON) and they will encourage all there over one million followers to participate. Before I become enlightened, I am enlightened you know. My wife might disagree with that appellation, but I have to say that I used to see those guys at aiprorts and think they were weird…I was also surprised at how many Quaker devotees we have…although I guess I shouldn’t have been. With the help our Quaker friends (double entendre intended) we have received an endorsement from the American Friends Services Committee. Many of our Jewish members are now seeking cooperation from organizations like the Anti-Defamation League and B’nai B’rith.

Although we had been planning on organizing a weekend Mass Mediation likely at least two to cater to different time zones, we are holding off doing that until next week as we will focus on recruitment and, of course, this will happen daily on Slack. It seems now that almost everyone is onboard with the power of Mass Meditation but someone in Slack reminded me of the Maharishi Effect named after Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, the founder of Transcendental Meditation. While it’s challenging to definitively prove such phenomena due to the complexity of global events and numerous influencing variables, there were studies that as few as 4,000 of the Marahishi meditators influenced events in DC and the Global Consciousness Project, based at Princeton University, discovered evidence that large-scale human consciousness may have influenced random number generators. indicating the reality of the Cosmic Consciousness. We can do this. Okay then uh… links to all the Zoom meetings will be pinned on Slack. So, what else? Shivansh? Anyone?

SHIVANSH

DIVA RITA(mockingly)

Sounds like Shivansh has been practicing his stand-up routine, yes? (laughter while SHIVANSH grins sheepishly). Great updates, Shivansh, but I must point out that our strategy is working. The outrage is tremendous and almost everything that they try fails. And as shambolic as it is, we must resist letting it get under our skin. Not that we should ignore it completely. But we should have faith that what we are doing will make a difference. I shall close with a quote from The Bhagavad Gita: “O’ scion of Barata, slash your doubts with the sword of knowledge and stand up once again to fight equipped with yogic knowledge.” Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya!

SHIVANSH

I just got an update that RFK , Jr. told The Senate that the Dems were trying to silence him and claimed that likened himself to MLK and Galileo. So there, that’s all I have on the update front.

Ishaan
I want to thank everyone for coming tonight and especially the folks at The Y and all the loving folks who donated as well as all the members helping us to recruit new devotees. We will continue to update daily on Slack and set a time for the weekend Mass Meditations that we had talked about and we will make Wednesdays at 7pm Eastern our weekly Zoom meeting time. So now, we have some time to take a few questions from the audience so–

SHIVANSH

ISHAAN

SHIVANSH (while looking at his laptop)

O Supreme Lord may the departed soul find peace in Your divine embrace.

May their journey beyond be filled with light, and may their soul attain liberation.

Grant us strength to accept this loss and remember them with love and gratitude.

Then with me repeat three times this Hindu mantra for peace which is Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti…

ISHAAN and AUDIence

Om, Shanti, Shanti, Shanti…Om Shanti, Shanti…Om, Shant, Shanti

ISHAAN
Bhagavān Kṛiṣhṇatvāṁ śāśvataṁ śāntiṁ dadātu…Goodnight, everyone

(fade to black)

NEXT SCENE ZOOM Meeting 2/5 at the Y

ISHAAN

Looks like we have standing room only crowd tonight. I want to thank everyone for coming, as well as the folks at the center. I believe we are honored with presence of The Exalted One! he Diva Rita.

DIVA RITA

Jaya Shri Krishna! From The Dhammapada. “The false accuser goes to hell; also one who having done wrong cries out Fake News! (laughter) The wicked will be reborn in hell because of their evil deeds.” The Buddha is wise indeed and occasionally knows how to deliver a punch line!

Ishaan tells me that we now have almost 15 million followers. Thus, I would like to suggest a couple of, how would you say in America? Go to or default mantras for our meditations. First, of course, we should pray for peace, Om Shanti, Shant, Shanti. Then there’s one asking the Divine to protect those who stand for truth: Agne Tvaṁ Pāhi Naḥ Satyān. Next is Om Tat Sat meaning “Awareness embraces eternal truth.” Finally, each facilitator may choose whatever mantra feels appropriate. ~~Bhagavān Krishna tvāṁ śāśvataṁ śāntiṁ dadātu~~.

ISHAAN

Most Holy and Benevolent One. Of course, we will follow your lead. Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya! So yes, we have much business to attend to but first, let’s start with a short prayer, followed by a moment of silence for all those suffering from the foolish, selfish and evil acts of The Orange Rashasa.
May all beings be happy. May all be free from illness.
May all see what is auspicious. May no one suffer.
Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.

Thank you. I have a slew of great news but I don’t know where to begin. First, is that our membership has grown to over 15 million at last count and will likely continue to increase exponentially as…are you ready for this? (crowd murmurs with anticipation) The great spiritual leader Deepak Chopra has volunteered to help us as our Spiritual Advisor and will promote us on his website and might even lead us in meditations in the future! He has numerous websites, YouTube channels, is on Twitter, and also on Bluesky, or as the Diva calls it the Sky of Blue. Although we discourage the addictive use of Social Media, we do encourage everyone to use those platforms to promote and fund raise, which many of our younger members do on Tik-Tok especially. So I would encourage everyone to become a follower of Dr. Chopra. His handle is @deepakchopra.bsky.social. As well, although we don’t organize marches, we do encourage members to participate in peaceful protest of any kind. I believe Shivansh has more on that?

SHIVANSH
Oh yes, in fact, it looks like tens of thousands of our members participated from what I saw on Slack and still hundreds of folks are continuing to recruit, we are growing at an incredible rate, now approaching 25 million members! Millions are participating in the daily and weekly meditations (mention times) and it appears that The Resistance is growing and I can’t help but think the meditative energy sent to the Unified Field is contributing to that. I hate to even regurgitate the venom coming out of the Small Handed One’s piehole, not to mention the Musaka, The Muskrat, but many of you said they like the updates, so I will do so.

ISHAAN Most of you don’t know that “in another life” (exaggerated quotes gesture) Shivansh was an Investigative Report for the Wall Street Journal! (audience mixed reaction) Yes, Rupert Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal!

SHIVANSH
I feel like I have just been outed. Sarvam Khalvidam Brahman. So… it’s been another insane week and I am glad to keep up with this so the rest of you don’t have to. The nuttiest thing is The Small Handed One wants to turn Gaza into the The Mar-a-Lago-of-the-East, which, of course, is DOA. But I have a scoop on this, the Rashasa and the Musaka have contacted the producers of The White Lotus, now this is really nuts, and said if they are willing to shoot Season Four at the new Club Med style Mar-a-Lago of the Middle East, that not only will they cover all the expenses of the filming but they will pick up the entire cost of the entire four season, including promotion. No word yet what Mike White’s reaction to such nonsense was but we can only imagine! (add more stuff later)

Zoom Meeting (several weeks later)

ISHAAN

Well, it’s been an even crazier couple weeks since we last met and even crazier with the tariffs and all of that. Shivansh is back and I am sure he’ll have his usual updates but the big news is that thanks to the generous support of the Deepak Chopra Foundation, Shivansh has been traveling all over the world visiting orgs to recruit new members and I can now report, we have almost reached our goal of 100 million members worldwide! And last Sunday, we estimate we had approximately 77 million members meditating and it’s obviously working! 2026 still seems so far away but it’s clear that the Dems will take the House and be able to block this craziness. Unfortunately, a lot of folks will suffer in the meantime

Note that this will be the last meeting until it fast forwards to 2028. This meeting will take place after the first 100 days. I hope to make it funny depicting the acts of Donnie Demento…. Today, they announced tariffs with China have been cut back to 30% and stocks are rallying.(The gallery view of hundreds of faces fills the screen. Boxes flicker. Some are upside down, some muted, some eating loudly. Rita sits center frame, looking serene but glazed. A soft shimmer comes over her. She speaks in Krishna’s voice.)

KRISHNA (through Rita):
Beloveds… your meditations are working. But the signal… is weak. (beat) I will leave you with only two words.

(Everyone leans forward, holding their breath. Pause. Then—)

KRISHNA (through Rita):
Jeffrey. Epstein.

(A stunned silence. Then chaos breaks out—voices overlapping in a comedic cacophony.)

VOICES:
—That’s old news!
—Conspiracy theory nonsense!
—Wait, I’m seeing something on Twitter—
—Look at these pictures! Is that Trump with Ghislaine?
—Oh my god, he actually said that?
—It’s trending again! Hashtag Epstein Resurrection!

(Rita suddenly jerks, back in her own voice, blinking.)

RITA:
What? Did I miss something? I just blacked out. And why is everyone screaming “Epstein” at me? I don’t even like conspiracy documentaries.

(The crowd panics, some chanting “Krishna! Krishna! Reconnect!” while others bang gongs, light incense, and clap like they’re rebooting a Wi-Fi router. The screen glitches: frozen faces, echoing “Krishhhhh-naaaa.” Then silence.)

SOMEONE (off-screen):
Wait… isn’t Esther Perez on this call? Maybe she can… you know… dial up Abraham?

(Gasps. Spotlight on Esther Perez, who tilts her camera just right, takes a deep breath, and closes her eyes.)

ESTHER (as Abraham):
We are Abraham. It is nice to visit with you again. We speak to you now. You are creators of your own vibration.

(The crowd hushes, mesmerized.)

ESTHER (as Abraham):
If you want justice, you must align with justice. Do not chase evidence. Evidence will flow… when you vibrate at the frequency of evidence. All will be revealed. (beat) But for now (long pause)

(Awed murmurs: “So true.” “Yes, yes.” Someone scribbles notes furiously. Meanwhile, another groans—)

DISILLUSIONED PARTICIPANT:
Oh, for God’s sake, the guy literally said Jeffrey Epstein! Maybe check your damn phones instead of vibrating at ‘evidence frequency’!

Esther as esther: I seem to be losing them. Please everyone, help me will them back…resumes deep breathing

(BLACKOUT.)

[NA1]I may either cut this or cut it back at least as it doesn’t seem as relevant now.d yet what the producers answer was. (next EO on Canada and Greenland.

[1][1] Hindi/Sanskrit meaning deceitful Satan

Harper-Nicole Anderson

Tag: bhagavd-vita

The Gospel According to Diva Rita: A Dark Comedy on the Edge of Dharma

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